This evening I feel I’m a very lucky man. God has given me an opportunity to live a joyful life. I celebrated my 40th birthday on the weekend. My wife, children, my Dad and Mom, brothers and sisters and their children were all there sharing this big day with me. The previous week, my wife and I went on a quiet drive through Nova Scotia where we shared the fresh air, spring flowers and lovely countryside. These times are special moments to cherish.

Nine years ago I had no hope for my marriage. I hit rock bottom and I was dying inside. My wife was devastated. She realized her dreams for a happy marriage was not going to happen. She was married to a sexaholic. I had no solution despite many years of trying to find one. At that time we had one child. I read the Dear Abby Column in May 1989 and for the first time I got a glimpse of the problem. I identified with the message and quickly contacted SA Central Office. They sent me SA literature and told me that I wasn’t alone and that there was a solution.

Eventually I started to bring the inside out and told the SA members that I was married and that my acting out thinking and behavior was with the same sex. I deceived my wife into marriage and now my marriage was falling apart. I told them that I was powerless over having promiscuous sex with men, sex with objects, buying gay pornography, intrigued with the gay culture, powerless over gawking and taking lust images, frequenting bathhouses and public washrooms, involved in bestiality, voyeurism and fantasy.

SA members said to me things like this:

• This is a one day at a time program. Don’t worry about the future.
• Stop lusting and go to meetings. The fog will clear and the answers will come.
• Sex was optional. This was fantastic news. I knew I could get along without having sex with my wife, but how could I get through a day without acting out with another man? I wanted this to be true. I trusted these people because I had nowhere else to go.
• Victory over lust is not going to happen overnight. Take small steps.
• You are a love cripple. You don’t love your wife because you don’t know how to love.
• For starters you are insane, sick and perverted. Practice the principles of SA.
• Instead of taking the actions of lust, take the actions of love.

I stopped lusting. I went to meetings. I worked the Steps and I began to take the actions of love. I began to love my wife. Today we have four children and our lives are rich with intimacy. Today, I choose God rather than lust. My sobriety and my family are very precious gifts and I owe it all to SA. Nine years ago, I had no idea I could have SA sobriety. I am so grateful that you gave me the chance to work for SA sobriety.

There have been times when I slipped back into old thinking but God and the fellowship prevailed and I got back into working my program. If I was told there was an easier, softer way I would have taken it. If I had been told that I was gay and that same-sex recovery was an option, I would have taken it. However my group and Central Office never gave me an indication that I could not have SA sobriety. Thank you, SA members, for sharing your experience, strength and hope and for giving me this opportunity to live this wonderful way of life.