A Lifeline in Lockup

How a sponsor changed my life

All my life I went to church, served others, and believed in a higher power. I am married with seven children. However, I lived a secret life of pornography addiction for 27 years. I had a lot of trauma I did not know how to deal with after being abused as a child several times by four different men while growing up. My pornography use eventually led to a crime that put me in prison for four years.

I am grateful for the “time out” of prison in my life. During my prison term, I attended everything possible to change so that when I got out, I could be a new person with no addiction. A friend of mine in prison told me about Sexaholics Anonymous. It was held in the same building as AA, but we had to leave early so the AA people would not beat us up, knowing we had committed sexual crimes (it seemed like those attending SA in prison were only those that had committed sexual crimes—that is not the case of course outside of prison). I loved the fact that SA was non-denominational and there was a true open feeling of love and care from the facilitators. It was a safe place for me to work on the Steps and myself. However, I could not get a sponsor in prison—everyone there I knew needed a sponsor. I found out about the Sponsor By Mail program and got excited. I wrote a letter and asked for a sponsor. I received a letter back and was introduced to my sponsor.

Not only was it fun getting mail in prison, but I looked forward to the information from my sponsor about my assignments and the new assignments he would give me to work through the Steps. My sponsor was and is wonderful and had a lot of experience with Step work. He was just as important in my recovery as was the therapy I was receiving in prison. My sponsor was an answer to my prayers! I worked all 12 Steps via mail with my sponsor, and learned many life-changing tools (like the importance of not keeping secrets and bringing things to light with people I trust). I applied them. I love the fact that my sponsor told me personal experiences of his success in sobriety. It gave me hope. The Sponsor by Mail was so life-changing for me that I asked my sponsor if he would mind if I called him from prison to check in every other week while I was in prison. Although this is not done that often, I was able to do it and greatly benefited from further help after doing the Step work.

After I got out of prison, I got a local sponsor, but still maintained contact with my original sponsor with his permission, and I still check in every other week with him. My SA sponsor has changed my life—has helped me connect with Higher Power, given me hope, and helped me to know when I was going off track before it became a problem. I would not be where I am now without him. Thank you, sponsor! I love him!

My wife is so grateful for my sponsor as well—he helped me change so my wife (who waited for me) has a wonderful relationship with me. My children are grateful I went to prison to change, and I give credit to my SA sponsor for most of my change. I encourage everyone struggling with any sexual lust to attend SA meetings and enjoy the journey of recovery.

I ask that people in SA who are sober consider being a Sponsor By Mail for those inmates in prison to help change their lives, which will make a positive ripple effect in so many lives that they can touch. May God bless my sponsor and all other sponsors for how much they do for their sponsees. I am grateful for my sponsor and for Sexaholics Anonymous. It works if you work it!

Sponsor by Mail continues to get requests from SA friends in prison. Currently there are 12 men in prison seeking sponsorship. If you have worked the Steps through Step Five, have at least 6 months of sobriety, and a green light from your sponsor, then email cfcsasponsor@gmail.com to connect with the Correctional Facilities Committee.