Taking a look at himself and sharing what he found let the light of recovery shine on his shame. 

An unknown SA member said, “If you want light, keep the curtains open. The curtains are made of selfishness.”

I was not only driven by a hundred forms of fear, as the Big Book says, but also by a thousand forms of guilt and shame.

Fear was my default mechanism. I got some things done in my life because of fear—and I did not do most things because of fear. Fear of missing out drove me into places and situations. Fear of not having enough money stopped me from enjoying the things I already had and left me remorseful about what I did not have.

Shame was not far behind. I was ashamed that my parents separated and later divorced. I was ashamed of the fights in my family. If shame was not far behind, guilt was right there too.

But now, I just turned 49, and I am free of shame, fear, and guilt. Today, I am free of it—contingent on maintaining fit spiritual condition and aligning with God’s will.

I had to accept in my innermost self that I am a sexaholic. I had to correct the cornerstone by believing that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. I had to stop fighting God’s will and quit playing God to have this keystone firmly in place. I made a moral inventory and shared it. I asked for my shortcomings to be removed in God’s time. I became willing—and reluctantly, made amends. I continued to make amends.I turned every opportunity of selfishness into a chance to help others—first reluctantly, then naturally, and now happily. I continued to align with God every moment, passing on what I freely received to other sexaholics, and to everyone around me.

Of course, I do it imperfectly. But I do it with the humility that I am not God and cannot do it perfectly. That is what it means to be human.

So how did the shame, guilt, and fear fall away?

The shame of relapse, of being a sexaholic, and of my past actions—all fell away once I accepted that I have a disease. Absolute trust that only God can remove it, and action, more helpful action over selfish action—that is the cure.