The wives of these sex addicts spoke up to voice the damage that was done to them, but the complaints were not directed to the sexaholics. 

I started recovery by going to a famous treatment center for sex addiction. The program included “Family Day”. The “highlight” of Family Day was a process called disclosure, where I describe the wrongs I had done to my family, and the family gets to describe how my actions impacted them. 

My wife came, and, although they were invited and encouraged, my daughters did not attend. I was not prepared for disclosure. When it came time for disclosure, my focus was on my bad behavior, while my wife was focused on how I harmed her and how I was not there for her or my family. I gave no thought to how my disclosure was going to impact my wife.

It was a very traumatic process, and my wife did not get the emotional support she needed. My wife was devastated and left the process believing things were much worse than she thought they were before. When I returned home, my wife asked me to give her an apology. I told her that that would come with Step Eight.

When I reached Step Eight about a year later, with a year of sobriety, I reviewed my amends to my wife with my sponsor, my therapist, and my fellows in group therapy. My amends were well received by my wife, and my wife has faith in my program and my commitment to recovery and sobriety.

Postscript: a year after treatment, my wife and I attended the annual reunion at the center. I attended a 12 Step meeting for sex addiction recovery, and my wife attended an S-Anon meeting at the same time. I could hear quite a commotion from the S-Anon meeting. Apparently, they were having a complaint session. Our spouses were telling the folks running the treatment center how bad the disclosure process was.

I truly believe what it says in the White Book: “Amends to family must begin with a sexually sober, changed attitude on a daily basis” (SA 3).