She is grateful that instead of acting out, she is working the Program.

I am Mirsha, a sexaholic. I have been in the Program for nine months, with three months of sobriety and two relapses.

A few days ago, I received a friend request on Facebook. I asked myself why I liked him and whether it was a good idea to add him, since I am committed to respecting and valuing him as a human being.

I was surprised by what this friend request stirred up in me. First, I realized that I was feeling euphoric (high). I remembered that high sometimes led me back to acting out, so I understood that I needed to be alert to this emotion. I also noticed that I was desperate to receive a message from him. I wondered if I wanted to be the first to write to him, but then I remembered that loneliness is one of my triggers. From there, I often turn to seduction, which leads me into romantic lust and eventually into acting out–work I had done with my sponsor on Step Zero. Acting out only leaves me feeling bad, miserable, and unworthy.

I decided to turn inward and protect the most valuable thing I have today: my sobriety. I resolved not to act impulsively, yet the high remained. I could feel the adrenaline, just like before taking the first drink. Then I remembered that I could write. I decided to write to my Higher Power exactly how I was feeling:

God, I place this situation in Your hands. Help me to be an instrument of Your peace, respecting the people around me and no longer seeing men as objects of lust.

I felt better, but the relief was not complete. Since there is no in-person group where I live, I attended the online Veracruz meeting. I also decided to attend every meeting I could to avoid feeling lonely over the weekend.

I joined a meeting where I was the only woman present. The discussion centered on the tools of the Program, the importance of making phone calls, and building friendships within the fellowship. During my share, I was honest: I find it difficult to make friends and to make those outreach calls that men seem to practice so naturally. After the meeting, I decided to use the tool and message a fellow member. She simply replied that I should leave it in the hands of my Higher Power.

Something wonderful happened. Reading her response, I realized that the situation was simple and did not require so much excitement. I felt grateful for having used a tool and for overcoming my fear of being judged. I listened to music while waiting for the 10:00 p.m. meeting, but then I became sleepy and went to bed.

At 4:00 a.m., I woke up with a different mindset. It was not something simple or ridiculous. The high I felt was because I now understand that the program is giving me real benefits. For fifteen years, I used social media to act out, to find relationships through seduction and flirting. That is no longer necessary.

That day, I understood something important: a man I like had taken the initiative to send me a friend request. There was no need for me to be the hunter. Perhaps he will never write to me. Perhaps nothing will happen at all. I leave that to my Higher Power.

I understand that the program works when:

• I know my triggers and stop myself, with the help of my sponsor and the work of the program.

• I write about what is troubling me, seeking to avoid acting out and placing my whole trust in my Higher Power.

• I attend meetings.

• I am willing to practice the tools.

• I get up at 4:00 a.m. to write, believing that perhaps this story may help someone else. 

This is a wonderful Fellowship. This is a program of action, and it is up to me to make sobriety lasting. The strategies are here, within my reach, but they require effort: getting to know myself, being honest, letting go of laziness, and recognizing that I depend on a Higher Power who guides my life when I choose to become aware and work the Twelve Steps.

Thank You, God, for everything You have given me through a simple friend request. And if I may be honest, I am crying with gratitude as I write this.