I ask God, as I understand him, for the courage to change. When and how do I do this? Every time I pray the Serenity Prayer, that phrase is there. I have liked the Serenity Prayer ever since the beginning of my recovery. We pray it often, in group meetings, in workshops, and at retreats … It says profound things with simple words, but often I will get distracted and simply recite it automatically.

One day I understood that this prayer was proposing a two column inventory. In the first column are the things I cannot change, and in the second are the things I CAN change. For whatever I cannot change, I ask God for serenity. For what I can change, I ask God to give me courage. And to recognize the difference, I ask God to give me wisdom. On those occasions when I have tried this exercise in very specific situations in my life, I have felt as if the prayer took on a new shine.

Following the order of this prayer, first I write down the things I cannot change. I can’t change my past. It has passed. It is done, it’s over. In terms of the future, I can do nothing. It will arrive. Another thing I cannot change is that, ever since I became addicted to lust, I will never ever be able to control it or enjoy it. I also cannot change other people. For all of these things and other things I am sure to have forgotten, I ask God to give me serenity and the willingness to accept things as they are.

Now I write down the things I CAN change. I can come out of my isolation and participate in the fellowship. If lust attacks, I can refuse to struggle against it, I can then not give in and not act out. How? By taking the third path which is surrender. Admitting to myself that I am powerless against lust, but God is not, and by giving this lust to God he can take it away.

I am practicing Steps Zero, One, Two, Three, and Five when I admit all of this to another fellow in a surrender call or in a meeting,and also admitting it before God.

As I work Steps Four through Nine, I can understand my mistakes so as to not repeat them, I understand myself better, I reconcile myself with my past, and I mend the damage I have caused to others … All of this protects me from relapse, so that my life will not again become unmanageable.

And in the present, how do I know when I have erred? And how do I find the humility to admit it immediately? I believe that working Step Ten, as a review of all the previous Steps, gives me the courage to be humble and recognize when I am wrong.

The courage to change … I don’t have this courage, but God will give it to me if I humbly ask for it. For this, I like the Serenity Prayer. It forms part of my Step Eleven, meditation and prayer. I have experienced that the work done through Step Eleven produces a very profound change, a spiritual awakening.

The program then invites me to transmit to the sexaholic who still suffers the message that there is a solution to sexaholism, that it is worth it to work the Steps and to learn to live in a different way.

What is this new way of living? It means to apply these principles in all of my affairs. First, I became sober and I was able to stop acting out. Then, my recovery continued with progressive victory over lust. It is work that will be with me for the rest of my life. I continue to discover defects of character and I try to work on them.

Recently, I wanted to put together a service team for a Committee of Public Information. I sent messages trying to sell the idea but no one paid attention. I understood that the messages were an easy and comfortable way to organize this, but this method did not really result in a true connection with other members. I sent messages because I didn’t really want to call everyone individually. It is hard for me to call. I am lazy about this.

I serenely accept that I cannot make others do what I want and when I want. What I can change is my attitude of laziness, of minimum effort, and I can put a little more energy into calling each member and try to create a link, a connection. I understand that this would be good for me. I cannot control the result, that is in the hands of God.

My inclination is to go for minimum effort and at times I’m tempted to let God do everything while I do nothing. But God wants me to do my part. Surrender doesn’t mean to cross my arms and do nothing, rather it requires action, and for that I need courage. Courage to change.