When I was sixteen years old I was caught having sex with my girlfriend. We had skipped school and headed to my house. A few hours later my parents came through the door. I was busted. I remember the embarrassment, anger, and disappointment I saw on my parents’ faces. At sixteen I was a full blown sexaholic, I just didn’t know it yet. I was using porn and masturbation to numb out and had been for many years. What I remember occurred over the next few days. My Mom made me confess in front of my church congregation. That was very humiliating. I also had to tell my grandparents I had skipped school and had sex with my girlfriend. I never will forget my Granddad’s response. “Whatever you do son, finish your schooling and go to college.” WHAT???? I still don’t really get that one. He was more concerned that I skipped school and never mentioned the sex part.

As traumatic as that was, the worst was yet to come. I was at my Mom’s office after school one day. I noticed my picture was missing from my Mom’s desk. When I asked where the picture was her response floored me. “I am so ashamed of you I didn’t want people to know you are my son. So I took your picture off my desk.” I never will forget that feeling. The feeling of not being accepted or loved. That feeling of not belonging was reinforced. That single act of rejection pushed my acting out way beyond anything I ever could imagine.

That memory was my first resentment when I did my Fourth Step. Later, I prayed to have that resentment removed. Then I wrote out my Ninth Step to my mother. I have not yet actually done an in person Ninth Step. However, after I prayed I chose to forgive my mother and move past her taking the picture off the desk.

In October, I was in Orlando with my wife. As we were enjoying the haunted houses, I decided to send my Mom a text. We corresponded throughout the whole trip. I sent her a picture of me and my wife and I got a response that I never would have imagined. My Mom texted back, “You are so handsome.” That was a very pivotal comment to me. For the first time in 28 years I felt acceptance and love from my Mom. Because I had chosen to forgive her, I allowed her to put the picture back on the desk. All this would not be possible without sobriety and working the Steps.

Specifically, I have seen the most relief and progress in my recovery by doing that Ninth Step. The promises are not just writing on a page in Alcoholics Anonymous. They are coming to life one day at a time. My whole attitude and outlook of life is changing. I know that I am accepted. I don’t look at other people for that acceptance. It comes from within. The God of my understanding accepts me and I know it today!