Jess L. Memorial Essay

2000

Originally published in Essay, 2000, Issue One

All in My Head
(Excerpts from Jess’s Member Story)

Sex was the dominant thing in my mind from my earliest memory. I was deeply obsessed about what was under my cousins’ dresses from the time I was in first or second grade. Lots of kids tried to play doctor, but for me it was an intense preoccupation. When an older boy taught me to masturbate at eleven or twelve, I really got into that and into the fantasies I needed for my masturbation. Masturbation stepped up in frequency to three to five times a day. I kept trying to stop, but there was no stopping. I found a piece of pornography and hid it up in the haymow of our small barn in that little town.

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Jess L., Bozeman, Montana

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