It was hard to have fun because I was so sensitive. When I came in, I didn’t know I was sensitive. I thought everyone else had problems and they were bothering me. I also thought everyone else should figure out in advance what would bother me (in order to avoid doing so). I was like a crab without shell, or an animal without skin … just “walking sensitivity.”

Because of that, I could hardly “live”; I could hardly work; I was such an addict that if someone was nice to me I would basically “melt.” The “melting effect” could have been with the parcel man, postman, or any worker. My reaction to kindness was a total overreaction. This was because I was so lonely.

Part of recovery for me was learning to deal with this sensitivity. I needed to learn to admit it as MY OWN SENSITIVITY, and not blaming others, but figuring out what layer and what history of betrayal, anger, and frustration were causing all of my sensitivities.

To start healing my sensitivity, every time someone else said something that triggered me, I wrote it down. The exact words. Not different words, the exact words. I then discussed those trigger-causing words or phrases or sentences with another person in recovery—so I could process all the feelings that came up (and if needed learn to set boundaries). So in order to have fun … I had to get rid of that huge sensitivity.

The second thing to have fun was to know what love is. When I began recovery, I was clueless, I had zero idea what love was. Here’s the definition I like to use:

Love is Emotionally Safe,
Love is Emotionally Defended,
Love is Emotionally Belonging,
Love is Emotionally Cared About,
Love is Emotionally Accepted,
And Love is Emotionally Special.

In my addiction, when a guy said I was special—that was love. Nowadays, these parts or aspects of love, I can get from women instead of men. I can be emotionally safe with women. I can be emotionally defended and cared about and accepted, with women. I can be emotionally special with women. The women who are close in my life know that they are a priority and special to me.

When I came into recovery, I did not trust women. I was 1000% more sensitive to women. Today, I am choosing better women to put in my life. My discernment on which women I bring into my life is better.

Now I want to talk about having fun. Before recovery I was always afraid. Life was like walking on a tightrope, where I could fall at any moment. I was always in a panic. I was always concentrating on the fears of what was ahead of me. I lived in terror.

By participating in the program, life became more chill. Life got softer and more comfortable. All that brain time on fear—had to GO! Other Twelve Step programs—on money, on career, were, for me, a zillion percent essential, not optional, to reduce my fears and to gain confidence.

My life today is focused on fun. My job is insanely fun. My life is fun. I hike all the time. I travel all the time. I talk on the phone non-stop. I try to coordinate people seeing each other all the time. I go to conferences. I’m happy to go to all the conferences. I can’t wait to go to Singapore, Italy, Greece, Egypt—please have conventions.

Spending time with my sponsees is awesome fun. I invite my sponsees to come along to the conventions. For me, socializing is fun. I’m an extrovert. I have fun with my large family. I do lots of sporty things. My life is about fun.

Some background on me. I came to SA in 1993. Today I have over 18 years of SA sobriety. I sober dated before I married for four and a half years. I married a guy in the program. It doesn’t look like we’ll ever leave the program. I’m going to be here until I’m 99 years old or 112. Same with my husband.

To conclude. I hope you find love in the program—which is emotionally safe, emotionally defended, emotionally belonging, emotionally cared about, emotionally accepted, and emotionally special. I hope you let go of your sensitivity and stop blaming others. Write down trigger words or phrases that you react to, and then talk about the feelings there with program people.

I hope you share the love you find in SA. It’s a family—an upgraded family for many—with people as substitute aunts, cousins, grandmothers, children. I have my chosen substitute children here. So join the family, visit the world and have fun with us.