To Recover, She Needs a Village of Recovering Sexaholics

I am a gratefully recovering sexaholic living in California. My sobriety date is November 26, 2009. At my first SA meeting, there was one other woman in the room who had joined SA four months before. She became my first SA sponsor. At that time there was only one meeting in San Diego. We spoke often by phone. I was grateful to have a companion who wanted what I wanted.

After several years, another woman joined SA. I knew her from another organization. We developed a friendship and she became my second sponsor. After a few years, she died. I was in much grief with the loss. It took me several years before I was ready to find another sponsor. At an International SA/S-Anon Convention in Chicago I asked someone for recommendations for a woman sponsor. He gave me the names of two women, who I contacted. One of them accepted me as a sponsee. I continued to have a connection with the other woman. Several years later this sponsor had a relapse and decided to leave SA. The other woman agreed to become my sponsor. We communicated mostly by mail because of her living situation. I met her in person at the International SA/S-Anon conferences.

Meanwhile, a female member in California began a California phone meeting for SA women. Over time, we developed a relationship. She asked me to be a Daily Renewal Partner. In this way we found we had other things in common. When I lost my sponsor, I knew who would become my next sponsor. We lived in different areas of California and met at conferences. She was a great support for me. She died in February 2019. I was in grief and had no desire to find another sponsor.

By November 2019, I wanted to start connecting with other women in SA. I signed up for the SIM event in November 2019. I related to one of the female speakers and was able to get her phone number. She was in the same time zone that I was in. We had several conversations by phone. In January 2020, someone asked me to be her sponsor. I knew in order to be of service, I would need a sponsor. I asked this woman to be my sponsor. She agreed and has been my sponsor since January 2020.

Recently, I asked my sponsor if I could start SA as a newcomer. We agreed to work the Steps using the Step into Action book. In the pandemic I discovered a whole international community that had sprung up in SA. I found that SA had evolved into an International community. This was new for me as I have been in SA since March 1989.

Sponsorship is about developing a relationship. Relationships are not easy for me. In my childhood I was not taught or shown how to have a healthy relationship. Sponsors help me in learning how to have a relationship by their own example.

I feel more comfortable asking someone to be a sponsor after I have gotten to know them. Sometimes it is not possible and I have gone into sponsor-sponsee relationships without knowing the other person. Fortunately, these situations have worked out for me. My SA program comes alive when I have a sponsor. I learn from a sponsor how to be of service to others in SA.

Ideally, I will have met my sponsor in-person at my local SA fellowship. With this past year of global pandemic, in-person meetings have been canceled. In my city there are not many women in SA. With Zoom and WhatsApp it is possible to connect with others in other countries. I find it helpful to have women who I talk with on the phone other than my sponsor.

I do not want to only depend on one person to help me to recover from this lust problem that has been with me since childhood. To recover, I need a village of recovering sexaholics. I am grateful for my sponsor. I pray for her every day. I appreciate her example of being of service.

Liliana M., San Diego, USA

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