Beauty From Ashes

Dear ESSAY,

Part of me is a grateful recovering sexaholic. God has kept me sober since 12/17/17, and all I have is today. My sponsor suggested I write this letter, and it’s a great opportunity to reflect on my recovery and God’s work in my life. I am convinced that any success I’ve enjoyed is due to God. The Third Step Prayer says “please take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life.” My hope and prayer is that the letter bears witness to God and His ability to bring beauty from ashes.

I started attending meetings in 2012, and my life was a wreck. I was going through a divorce, and my character defects had taken a huge toll on my life. I was recovering from a suicide attempt and knew I needed help. A friend invited me to SA, and I went to a meeting. Thankfully, I’ve been attending meetings ever since. 

Fast forward to today, I’m remarried with a blended family. We have a son from my first marriage, a daughter together and are wanting another child. Life isn’t perfect, and there’s plenty of opportunities to work my program. However, life is wonderful. One thing I love about recovery is the little miracles I see in my life. The other night I was feeling resentful towards my ex-wife and saw that I needed to make a call to work my 10th Step. Less than a minute later, a program friend who is also divorced and can relate to my situation called, and I got to share my resentment with him and work my 10th Step. 

Practically, the program gives me tools to use on a daily basis. My day starts by sliding out of bed and saying the 3rd Step Prayer along with prayers from the “On awakening” section in AA 86-88. I read The Real Connection SA book daily. Also, my sponsor suggested saying 100 affirmations and reading “Acceptance is the answer” in AA 416-420. I get to say these affirmations and the page 417 reading daily in front of a mirror standing on one leg. This has been a wonderful addition to my program. Other tools I use include 15 min of Step work six days a week, meditation, prayer, attending meetings, having a sponsor and sponsees, regular exercise, and service work in and out of the Program. Service work around my home, including cleaning bathrooms and toilets, has been very helpful. When my attitude towards my wife is unhealthy and resentful, cleaning her bathroom helps me improve my attitude towards her. My day ends by kneeling by my bed, thanking God for the day and asking Him for willingness, honesty and open-mindedness among other things. 

My program is not perfect and doesn’t need to be. I get to surrender, depend on God and take the next right action. 

One of my favorite readings is “A Vision for You.” “Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you until then” (AA 164).

In service and fellowship,