To the Newcomer: Finding Hope and Connection in SA

I entered the world of SA through an invitation from a friend of a friend. At the time, I didn’t recognize my own lust addiction. I simply enjoyed the company of women, and I sometimes (read: constantly) indulged in pornography. To me, those explicit images were no different from any movie broadcasted on TV. And when I heard about Sexaholics Anonymous, the word “Anonymous” intrigued me. It seemed to hold excitement, secrecy, and freedom—words my lust craved. I envisioned dimly lit meetings where people shared their shameful, sordid stories. I was all-in with this: I thought I could keep lusting but still start on a path of improvement. Little did I know that my twisted attitude and expectations would lead me to a place of gratitude.

In June 2015, I was in Egypt where the SA group was very small. However, back then there was a website called the SA Buddy List that connected me with sexaholics throughout the world. There, we posted our Skype contacts and email addresses, seeking fellowship and support. Despite chronic relapses over the next three years, I returned to the SA Buddy List in search of a sponsor. I hesitantly emailed those SA Fellows, fearing embarrassment: would they shame me for my terrible behavior? To my surprise, they responded with love, compassion, and open hearts. I found contacts from the USA to the UK, Poland to Venezuela. I dialed the numbers with bravery mixed with deep desperation, and I grew to be unafraid of their reactions to me and my degenerate life. One of those voices became my sponsor, and he has been my sponsor for five years now.

I learned that there is no need for hesitation before helping a suffering sexaholic. My phone number was now circulating globally, and I remembered when my email address was linked to countless dangerous websites. Why hesitate to connect now just as widely for recovery? But I was still half-heartedly avoiding some of the people from my acting out days.

Navigating this intricate web of decisions and trying to maneuver between healthy people and those with diseased intentions reminds me of bureaucratic hurdles like we face every day: sign here on the third floor, stamp it in the basement, then return to the second floor for final approval…after three weeks. Sometimes it overwhelms me.

But now in Program, I pray for the newcomers. Roy K. once risked his life searching for them, just as Dr. Bob, Bill W., Ernie G., Dorothy, and other AA “good oldtimers” did. They understood their influence had limits—they couldn’t control the sunrise or sunset.

To you, dear newcomer, finding a sponsor or a fellow member may seem daunting. Don’t give up. Miracles happen when we keep going. We’re here to help. Keep reaching out, and you’ll find us.