I was born in Nicaragua. My parents divorced when I was a baby. I was raised by my maternal grandparents in the countryside until about 8 years old. When I was around 6 or 7 years old, I was sexually abused by two adult men who were neighbors. 

I was also abused by older relatives and friends from my childhood. I always felt guilty about the abuse and never told anyone about it. When I was 11 years old, my mother immigrated to New York City. 

She left me in the care of an aunt, and it was very difficult for me because I am an only child. At the age of 13, I felt depressed, and an uncle took me to see a prostitute, but I couldn’t do anything. I was very scared. Also, at the age of 11, I started masturbating. Then, at 15, my uncle took me to see a prostitute again. This time, I did engage. And I became addicted until the age of 21.

Also, at the age of 13, I began to act out with anonymous men. At that age, I started roaming the streets for acting out. At the age of 18, I had to emigrate to the US to escape the socio-political situation that my country was going through. I went to live with my mother in New York. I started to act out with people of the same gender again. I used to go to public parks. I was living a double life because while I was lusting, I was also active in my church, I was one of the leaders of my prayer group. I even thought I was possessed by a demon. I asked a bishop from the Catholic Church to perform an exorcism on me. But he refused and advised me to pray.

I had low self-esteem. I felt like I was the only one in the world with these problems and that there was no one else like me. My self-esteem was at rock bottom. I suffered from self-pity and guilt. I blamed my mother for my acting out. I felt anger, a lot of anger. At the age of 24, I had an emotional and mental breakdown. I talked to the priest of my church, and he told me that my problem was that I had SSA (Same-Sex Attraction). My world fell apart when he told me that. 

I knew before he told me that I had that problem, but I was in denial. I started attending another fellowship for my SSA. There, I met a member who in December 1990, invited me to a meeting but did not tell me what it was about. We went to the meeting one Sunday in Manhattan and I realized as I heard people introduce themselves, that it was about Sexaholics Anonymous. I identified with them immediately. But I was a newcomer and only went to meetings occasionally. At the same time, I was hitting rock bottom, was also going through depression, and was under treatment with a psychiatrist. Months later, I started attending meetings more frequently and eventually attended meetings every day.

I got a female sponsor because I couldn’t find a male one. Later, I had two male sponsors. In 1993, my then sponsor suggested I do my Fourth Step. It took me 6 months to finish it. But I was still acting out because I was a chronic relapser. Then I achieved a year of sobriety but relapsed because I did not have a sponsor anymore. 

I went to another fellowship, but I did not like the definition of sexual sobriety; it did not align with my values. In 1999, I moved to Florida at a time when I had only two months of sobriety. There were no SA meetings in the city where I lived or in nearby cities. I attended an SA meeting almost an hour away from my city where there were only two members. In the meantime, I started attending another fellowship for a few months but began to feel uncomfortable and stopped attending. I fell back into lust and hit another bottom for about five years.

In 2007, an uncle passed away, and his death made me reflect on my life. I realized I needed to return to recovery and started attending another fellowship, making it five different fellowships I belonged to. I still didn’t like it and returned to the one I had attended previously. In that other fellowship, I met a member from SA meetings in New York who told me there were SA meetings in a nearby city. I started attending and finally felt like I was home. In the other fellowship, I had worked the Steps with a sponsor and had achieved sobriety as defined by SA because that was the sobriety that worked for me.

I got a sponsor in SA and, one day, when he asked me for my email address, he sent me the email address of an SA member from Latin America who was looking for a sponsor. When this sponsee told me about the work of SA in Latin America, I became a member of SA for Latin people. In April 2020, I got a sponsor from Colombia and I have worked all 12 Steps with him. Currently, I have 9 years of sobriety according to the SA definition of sobriety. The Higher Power allowed me to attend the annual SA convention in Colombia last November. It meant a lot to me to have gone to the convention because I was going through a grieving process since my mother passed away on September 7, 2023. I thank my Higher Power who listened to my mother’s prayers; she prayed a lot for me according to a sister from my church.

SA has given me what no other fellowship could give me and taught me that I am addicted to lust and that lust is a cancer of the soul.

I thank my Higher Power for bringing me to SA.