Vulnerable, But Sane

Vulnerable, But Sane

Thank God I have a program. I have come to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.

I continue to have lustful thoughts. They come to me because I live in an environment where titillation of the senses is a commercial device that businesses use to sell their products. This device is used in all modern media. Unless I live in a cave, I can’t avoid temptation. Even in a cave, I can’t avoid euphoric recall of lustful thoughts. There is no way I can avoid lustful thoughts. I have to accept the fact that I am vulnerable to these thoughts.

Perhaps one day, I won’t be so vulnerable. I do have that hope. Because of the SA work I’ve done, I can now sit at a computer, do service work and other positive activities, and not think to search out pornography. However, this freedom is still limited. There are many other places and times each day where I’m triggered. Lustful thoughts come.

Even though I’m still vulnerable to lustful thoughts, I recognize that I’m sane. My faith in Higher Power and my daily practice of the SA program has brought me a new sanity. When lustful thoughts come, I have a new response. I recognize the thought is a threat to my sobriety and my sober way of life, so I surrender the thought to Higher Power and ask for help. This is my new sanity.

I now know how to respond to a lustful thought. I don’t have to act on it. I have a choice. Knowing I have a choice is sanity. To remember how to handle a lustful thought and act on it is to live a sober life.

It occurs to me that this is exactly what Steps 1, 2, and 3 entail. I recognize that I’m vulnerable; I believe that responding with Higher Power’s help will get me sober; I decide to respond. In this way, I am sober and restored to sanity. Wow! I’m vulnerable but sane.

Of course, to continue living a sane life, I work the rest of the Steps, listen to my sponsor and to Higher Power, and I go to meetings. It’s also sane to remember, “It works, if you work it.”

KB, Missouri, USA

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