Time being single and sober has allowed her to hear Higher Power’s will for her. 

I have been sober for several years now, and have taken my first steps toward recovery. By “recovery,” I don’t just mean working the Steps, but that I am literally “recovering.” I’m talking about healing and restoration.

This allows me to better discern the voice of my “lower self,” but also my “higher self.” My lower self wants to take things from the world to make itself happy. My higher self is where my Higher Power resides. It is the part of me where wholeness, peace, and a healing, driving force can be found. God is not up there in the sky, but here within me. When I follow Him, the healthy part of me grows and I heal, slowly but surely.

It is my lower self that always wanted a relationship. After about a year in SA, I noticed that the desire to have sex with someone else or myself had completely disappeared. Yet the desire for a relationship remained for several years. Rationally, I didn’t want a relationship, but my heart continued to long for one.

Last weekend, I was at our annual Dutch-speaking convention. A striking number of fellows shared their desire for a relationship. It was only then that I realized I hadn’t felt like that for a long time. That my Higher Power took it away from me. What a miracle!

Through the combination of SA and therapy, I am truly recovering. The damaged, wounded child in me is being healed more and more, allowing my true self, my healed self, to become more visible. I control or direct none of this. All I have to do is follow my Higher Power and listen to Him.

Today, I am grateful with both my head and my heart for being single. There is time and space for silence, healing, and discovering who I am. I don’t know where God will lead me in the future. But today I am happy and I find peace within myself, and for that I can never be sufficiently grateful.