As a result of working the Program, this member likes the man he is growing into.

Before SA and recovery from chronic lusting and the acting out that followed, I was frequently lost in fantasy, on dating apps, or in an “intimate encounter.” The irony was, there was nothing intimate about it. This behavior eroded away my soul and made me feel deeply ashamed. It was also causing aggravation, fear, and intimidation–albeit unintentionally. Like any good ol’ sexaholic, I could not stop.

But God started to help me, long before I was ready or wanted that help. Two different counselors mentioned the possibility of sexual addiction. The second counselor referred me to SA in Charlestown, NW Ireland. I went, though I did not want to. I kept coming back through self-righteous judgment, anger, guilt, fear, shame, spite, wanting to control and enjoy it, chronic relapse—eventually, acceptance at a much deeper level, and gradually, recovery. A gift, recovery that is, beyond compare! As it says in “The Solution” in the White book, “And the healing began” (SA 204).

Now I have a lovely life. My wife, whom I deeply hurt before we were married, with my acting out on dating apps and infidelity, is an exceptionally understanding and forgiving woman. Our relationship is happy. Sometimes my emotional immaturity causes problems in our relationship, but that is happening a lot less often than it used to. I have also been blessed with a kind, gentle, and energetic daughter. I used to worry so much about her, due to my being a sexaholic, that she would have mental health or addiction to deal with. However, the best thing I can do to limit the likelihood of that happening is, as my former sponsor used to say, “Stay sober, work the steps, see what God does.” 

Besides a happy family life, despite the odds, I have a strong but light program, insofar as possible. This keeps me ‘topped up’/ feeling connected and whole. I enjoy fellowship and contact with fellows for coffee, meetings, etc, and it’s helping me so much. I have a reasonable degree of freedom from lust. I take good custody of my eyes. I really like the man I am growing into. I cannot believe it sometimes, but currently, I have been sober for over 17 months. Despite my failings, I am a good father and husband. Thanks to God and the influence of the Program, I can be of service to those I love, my friends and fellows, without seeking anything in return. This shift in my attitude, from sneakily acting out as often as I could, without a thought of anyone else, to being able to give to those I care about, is both a freedom and a joy, and fills me with healthy self-respect. Thanks to God and the Program.