Dear brothers and sisters in SA,

I’m writing today to check in with many of you whom I have known in the fellowship over the years. It has been a beautiful and long journey since I first began attending meetings 10 years ago in Detroit, then hit my bottom and got sober in Columbus, OH and continued with SA in the mid-Hudson region of NY. I will never forget all the good friends I made on the way.

The good Lord called me to a radical vocation in life some three years ago, when I entered seminary to study for the priesthood. That too was a total surprise for this agnostic who hated the Church and was highly suspicious of the word “God.” I’m happy to say that my spiritual life is progressing, and I am learning ever so much more about how to be a sober human being and relate to others. I used to not care so much about others. Actually, I wasn’t much aware that others existed. Now I’m slowly reclaiming years of running away from intimacy and relating to people, and learning just how poor I really am. I’m continuing to face the reality about myself with courage. It can be very humbling to live with many holy men who have lived more and loved more than I can imagine. I believe, however, that with God’s power anything is possible. There is no cap on the spiritual progress available to me. The question is always the same: will I face reality and deal with life on life’s terms (and thus grow), or will I run away again (perhaps not so much into lust today as to distractions)? The answer for me is clear: I want to become who God made me to be.

Some time ago, I decided to reconnect with SA, and ordered a subscription to ESSAY. I wrote, explaining why I wanted to reconnect:

“I’m writing to report that I had a lust incident tonight, which caught me totally off guard. By the grace of God, I have preserved my sobriety, but my ego certainly has been shaken. I am not as strong as I thought; it took me a long time even to figure out that what I was doing was lusting. It seemed innocent, as it always does. A waitress in a restaurant with whom I had something in common, a desire to relax and perhaps show off to another friend, and I was ready to give up all for this newly met person. A little joke about “wanting to get her number” from my friend, did not help. My friend is not a sexaholic; I am.

I was ready to lose everything in my heart and head to possess something that was in no way mine. Something that is not even “real,” as Sexaholics Anonymous says, “We went for the fantasy, for the connection that had the magic.” I wanted a little magic without thinking about what I was doing. I guess I didn’t count on the years of active addiction which formed these responses in me.

I am writing because I realize I need some kind of connection with the fellowship, even if it is just a printed meeting. Perhaps in the future God will want me to be more involved again, and then I will be glad to attend the meetings again. For now, I am working my program the best I know how in my circumstances, and thanking Him every day for still keeping me sober.”

God has heard my prayer. In a couple of days I am meeting a good SA friend for lunch. I have everything I need in my life to intimately share with others my graces and struggles. Even though it’s not through SA meetings today, the question is still the same: Will I be open and rigorously honest with myself in front of others? And as long as I can say yes to that, I keep my connection with my Higher Power and my recovery on the right path. I’m looking forward more and more to what God has in store for me in church ministry and in life.

Peace and blessings on all of you,