I resisted coming to SA at first, thinking that the sobriety definition was extreme and insisting that I was not a sexaholic—just overly romantic. But I had been in other recovery programs long enough to hear things like, “If my way is not working, maybe I should try what is working for someone like me.”

My way was definitely not working. I agonized constantly about whether I should stay married. I hated myself for hurting my husband with emotional and sexual affairs. Prior to our marriage I’d had a long history of promiscuous behavior: having a lot of sex I didn’t want to have as I desperately sought affection (including a destructive relationship I couldn’t leave) and lots of lying to keep a man (or two) from leaving me.

So I was desperate enough to try what other SA women suggested. I prayed for relief from obsession every time I started agonizing about my marriage. The marriage decision was beyond me, so I asked a Higher Power to handle the bigger picture every time a thought about leaving crossed my mind.

I adopted a broad interpretation of lust recovery. Lusting for me included romantic thoughts, imagining what a person I hardly knew “must” be like, or trying to “run into” someone by shopping where he did. I began avoiding contact with former partners. I surrendered inappropriate Internet searches. I began following the SA definition of sobriety. In the beginning I thought this definition didn’t apply to me, but it has turned out to be my first step on a path to sanity and contentment.

I got a sponsor and followed her instructions on Step work. When she could no longer sponsor me, I began working with someone she suggested and have continued with her for three years. At first, I would slip after a few months of sobriety. Then came my current sobriety, which has continued for almost three years.

Since joining SA, the quality of my life has improved drastically. My commitment to my husband is strong. After eight years of marriage and a couple of years of sobriety, I followed my heart and changed my last name to his. Today, I am far more aware of his strengths and of the traits in us that make us fit together and complement each other so well. I am becoming more able to let our difficult moments pass, rather than making them worse like I once did. What we have is not a high that comes crashing down, but something that is sturdy, warm, and quiet. Our sex life—which at times I thought could not be healed—is now high on my gratitude list most days.

I am healthier and happier as an individual, too. The energy I once used chasing lust I now use to care for our home. I often write five gratitude items and five personal assets that help me feel good about my day. I appreciate the positives in my life and like myself more.

Life isn’t perfect. In many ways I’m still a hypersensitive, selfish, overly dependent love cripple. Sometimes feelings of loneliness, loss, or rejection overwhelm me. But my sponsor has taught me that I no longer have to live in those feelings. I can turn them over to a Higher Power, cry if necessary, and move on.

Thank you, Higher Power, SA, sponsor, and the members in my home group!