One of the hallmarks of my sexaholism is isolation. I consider isolation more than just shyness or introversion or not liking to be around people.

For me isolation is an attitude — just as Sexaholics Anonymous says lust is an attitude. Isolation for me is my default approach towards the rest of the world: fear, abandonment, shame, and loneliness. I’m powerless over my attitude of isolation. I believed this attitude of isolation may be why it can be difficult to get sexaholics involved in service work.

In SA recovery I have discovered that fellowship is the antidote for isolation. I work the 12 Steps and take positive action in order to make spiritual progress towards real connection. For example, I dislike committees, so I have participated in my local intergroup these past six years. I take an action that is contrary to my negative attitude of isolation.

I am learning to ask questions and listen to others and let them teach me valuable lessons. One favorite question is to ask people what spiritual books they are reading?

Recently I was introduced to the tool of “self-care.” Part of my isolation is letting other people trample on me — run roughshod over me — and then I fume with resentment. I decided to look at the nature of my wrong and be willing to have that part of me removed. Unfortunately, “self-care” ran riot for me. In relationships I was self-willing my self-care, and people began to retaliate. My version of self-care was not leading to serenity.

I talked to friends about this matter. They told me that perhaps self-care has become another addiction for me, a form of workaholism. My delusion is that I “can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if [I] only [manage] well” (AA pg. 61).

And there you have it. Like isolation, another stab at me managing and controlling my life. I don’t beat myself up over this today. It’s how I make spiritual progress.

Just for today I will live in the knowledge that: a) Spirit of the Universe knows exactly what I need and b) Spirit of the Universe knows exactly what It needs from me.

Today I surrender my self-care “run riot.” I rest in God’s Care today.