What If?

Loneliness, rejection, and fear have acted as a soundtrack in my head for as long as I can remember. They form rhythm and melodies filled with dissonance. Each track is made complete with a verse, chorus, and bridge:

Loneliness acts as the verse, with its imagery of ways people have made me feel alone or left out.

Rejection comes next, with that repetitive and familiar chorus of “never being good enough” and “certainly not capable of being loved, valued or seen.”

Fear arrives in the bridge, as loneliness and rejection meet in the crescendo of every broken dream or promise.

Is it possible, in recovery, to change the familiarity of the rhythm and melodies that I’ve come to walk and dance to?

What if, instead of loneliness, I feel gratitude – the verses instead painted in the bright colors of the people who show up for me?

What if, rather than rejection, I seek acceptance? The chorus repeating the truth that “I am enough because He (my Higher Power) is enough”?

What if, instead of fear, I feel contentment in its place – gratitude and acceptance now acting as the apex of the song, arriving exactly where I am in this moment?

What if?