This member embodies the honesty necessary to make this amends from the heart. 

To every brother in SA who has treated me with respect and kindness, who notices the discomfort of being the only woman in an SA meeting or event, to those who strive every day to make SA a safe place for us, to those who have treated me like their daughter or sister, to the loving brothers who welcomed me in SA—thank you!

You helped me heal the negative image I had of men. I’ve been able to make amends with my father and forgive him. I no longer feel uncomfortable interacting with men, nor do I see them as my enemies. You have taught me how to become and act sober.

I’ve seen you cry, be vulnerable and honest, and, on several occasions, heard your apologies to the women you’ve hurt. Hearing those apologies filled me with joy, but honestly, I used to believe I would never have to apologize to any of my past acting-out partners—after all, they hurt me, and I was the victim.

Today I know that lust is like a mirror—it reflects what you project onto it. I used to attract sexaholics because I was constantly sending out signals of lust myself. Today, men treat me very differently, both inside and outside of SA. I no longer believe men are monsters only seeking sex. Now I can see them as sons of God, divinely imperfect beings just like me.

I am not going to contact the men I acted out with in the past to make amends, so I wrote this list instead. I am truly sorry for:

• Saying that all men are the same and that none of them are worth it.
• Valuing only your physical attractiveness or financial status.
• Disregarding your feelings and mocking your vulnerability—saying things like “men don’t cry” or “man up.”
• Being unfaithful.
• Being dishonest, manipulative, controlling, violent, and jealous.
• Pressuring romantic or sexual encounters, even when I could sense your discomfort.
• Stalking you, and checking emails and phones.
• For never appreciating your efforts—I always wanted more attention, more love, more calls, more dates… nothing was ever enough for me!

My living amends are being a decent, sober woman, respectful of the men I interact with. I love you all.