Through recovery, I have experienced several negative to positive change experiences. Below are some of them.
First Experience: From the very first day when I joined SA and attended my first face to face meeting, I was surprised that I am surrounded by 25 men. There was no woman fellow, neither in the group, nor in all of Egypt. I was afraid, yet I decided to continue regardless of my hard addiction pattern, alongside other men.
Second experience: As there were no females, my first sponsor was a man. And instead of him becoming a sex object for me, he became God’s message to me to teach me how to surrender.
Third experience: After my first sponsor left me, I had to face a decision: either to leave the fellowship or to stay in it. I made the decision to stay.
Fourth Experience: After celebrating being sober for 18 months, I came to realize that I was abstaining only (negative sobriety). I fearlessly reset my sobriety date and announced that to everyone. I started to learn what sobriety is.
Fifth experience: My strongest experience was to return to the program and redo the Steps with my sponsor, who I consider as a brother and a friend. He was very patient with me, and he was trying to carry the message for me through working the steps from the AA Big Book.
Sixth experience: For me, the most important step was to renounce lust completely, and let go of everything I lust after. I raised the white flag in front of my addiction and I have started real positive sobriety.
Seventh Experience: When I openly shared how far down the scale I went and put it out to light, I have learned to let go of my personal defects, and I have started to confess and surrender.
Eighth experience: Direct amends was a big leap. I took a decision to go to any length and make direct amends to anyone I harmed, and I did not stop there. I have worked on forgiving anyone who harmed me.
Ninth experience: I have begun to take service roles in my home group so I have a role in the Fellowship of the Spirit. Now, instead of objectifying men and turning them into lust and pleasure objects, I have become a message from my higher power to them so I can help them to recover.
Tenth experience: I have begun learning how to practice the most important Step, which is carrying the message to other sexaholics. Now, I am sponsoring other women to work the Steps, and I show them how to do service in the meetings too. I am carrying the message to other men as well, and help them to recover through sharing my experience, strength, and hope with them.
I have become free and I am now relieved from self-pity. I live one day at a time through surrendering and freely letting go. I am happy and I now have self-esteem in this tough world of sexaholism. Now I know and understand that I am the problem. And by God’s grace I have reached the solution. I have learned how to work the Steps, how to surrender, and why I have to do amends. In the end, the Twelve Promises have become a reality as a result of taking these Steps.
I am now able to say with all confidence: I am a grateful recovering sexaholic by the grace of God, and with the help of my best friend and brother, my sponsor, and all my trust circle of men and women fellows.In fellowship, Mervat, Egypt.