Member Sharing

This past August, by the Grace of God, I celebrated my third “birthday” in this life-saving God-inspired program. Ceaseless are the gifts that befall me in recovery. The gifts come in the form of growth (sometimes painful) by learning more about who I am and acceptance of me, defects and all. I made a list of people I thought I had harmed while doing the first four steps and it was quite impressive. It showed everyone how terrible I was, gauged by the numbers on that list. My sponsor (God love him) poked a hole in my inflated perverted ego by asking a simple question, “Remember we make amends to people we have harmed; did you harm all those people?” 75% of the names immediately dropped off the list when I realized I really had not harmed them. They were involved with lustful thoughts and fantasies in my head but they did not know it and still don’t. What I further found out was that I left names off the list like my wife, my four children, my parents, sister and some others — the people I really had harmed. Some painful growth happened to me in re-making the amends list, now paying attention to the harm I really had caused. Many tears were shed (healing tears) at finally facing more of who I really am. I wanted to run but my sponsor will not let me and I felt much relief at taking his direction and sitting down with the people and actually beginning the process.

I have made two amends thus far starting with my wife and middle son. I truly believe God was with us as I felt the beauty, healing and love that came. I will never cease to be amazed at the miracles God performs in my life. It also never ceases to amaze me how much I doubt and keep asking Him to show me one more time. How annoyed I would be if another person treated me this way yet God keeps on showing me again and again. If I can adopt something said at the Rochester Conference, “I am never sufficiently grateful for that.”

May God bless and keep you all and I do hope we get to meet each other as we “trudge this road of happy destiny.”

Dave G., Rochester, NY

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