My Step Eight amends list had one individual who was going to be challenging. I was hesitant because I feared a confrontation. I knew that I was wrong and I would have to admit it to him. This had been a burden on my soul and there was no moving forward into the grace of my Higher Power’s forgiveness if I held grudges toward others. My sponsor reminded me that the things that we want to do the least are sometimes the things which we need to do the most.

I put my amends in an email and sent it. He responded almost immediately and said to forget what had occurred. He was happy that we could be reunited. As it turned out, we really weren’t that mad at each other. We rejoiced in what we had meant to each other, despite our confrontation, and were each grateful for the other’s friendship and renewed trust. Not much more beyond that was said and we went back to our separate lives.

Before long, I encountered another individual that had known us both. This person tried to engage me in a conversation that was belittling of the character of my friend. The things he was describing were factual. However, I refused to join in and speak ill of the person I had forgiven. I was not going to undermine, by my actions, the words I had spoken with my heart in my amends letter.

I read once that our concept of forgiveness is one single act of acknowledgment. However, forgiveness begins with our words but then must be followed by our actions. One example was that we can’t “tell the tale.” This means that if I claim to have forgiven someone I do not later recount the wrongs done to me by that person. I remembered this as I heard the other speak of the transgressions of my friend.

In more recent days a situation came up in which I needed help with something particular. This wasn’t a need for which I could call just anyone. It was something specific, urgent and of a nature wherein my friend was the only one who could help. I wasn’t sure if he still held a grudge. I wasn’t sure if this would be seen as awkward or inappropriate. I made the call anyway. I was desperate. My friend immediately dropped what he was doing and came directly to my side and, together, we tackled the problem. No questions were asked. He was more than glad to help. This was true selfless friendship. I felt the joy of a relationship restored with a friend I had written off as lost. Had I continued to speak to others with words of accusation and deceit, I would never have experienced how powerful total forgiveness really can be.

I am grateful to my sponsor, my SA fellowship and my Higher Power for the wisdom and structure to lead me to healing and restoration which I would never regain by my own efforts.