I went back to my home group and shared what had happened. I had slipped and now it was time to face the dreaded walk back into the rooms and face the fellows I had been lying to for many years. The group was welcoming and supportive, I heard supportive and encouraging words like “It’s OK, it’s progressive victory” and “Keep coming back.”

I had to face the task of having to assist my sponsees with finding a new sponsor. I gave up my service position and could not share until everyone with at least thirty days of sobriety had shared. I could not chair another meeting until I had 90 days of sobriety. I felt judged by others—because I had sat in the room so many times and judged others who could not stay sober.

I never could have imagined the blessing that this would become. After eight years of not having the willingness to work the program, I was back to feeling like a newcomer. This time, I was ready to put the shovel down and stop digging, I had hit the rock at the bottom. I was finally ready to abandon myself to God. He opened my eyes and showed me the truth about myself. I had a renewed energy to really immerse myself in the program.

The first step I took was to commit to attending 90 meetings in 90 days. I ended up attending 150 meeting in the 90 days. I attended my first major SA event and actively participated in the meetings I attended. I made contacts with people around the world. I started to call people in the program that I did not even know. I was doing whatever I could do to stay out of my own thoughts, thoughts that always turn to fantasy.

I live in a small town in Ontario and somehow, I found myself chairing nightly reflections meetings based out of Long Island, New York. I was all in. Here I was, the guy who used to attend one meeting a week and only picked up the phone when it was convenient for me. I was now living in the solution, working the Steps, attending meetings – carrying the message has now become a way of life.

I have mentioned to other members that sometimes I feel like I should go see a doctor because my body is not used to this sustained overwhelming joy I have been feeling. I hope that my experience can help other members find comfort that there is hope after losing long-term sobriety. My recovery really only started after I slipped and fell. Out of this experience God has given me the willingness to continue to take action in this program from the moment I wake up. I do not know what tomorrow will bring but I do not concern myself with that. I am grateful that God has given me this change of attitude.