Yoga has become a parallel and interconnected path on my physical, emotional, and spiritual recovery. Recently, I took a Yin Yasa yoga class. The theme of the class was “letting go.” Hmmm, I thought as we proceeded, where have I heard that before?

During a pose centered around opening our hips, the teacher came back to the notion of “where can I let go.” Her statement stirred two reactions in me. First, I realized how much tension I grip in my body, which allowed me to work deeper into the pose as I let go at the muscular level. Second, and more profound, the statement brought to my mind the adage of “let go, let God” from our literature. And the more I thought about this (amidst thinking my hips were going to explode), the more I asked myself, where am I holding on too tightly in my recovery which raised the following questions …

1. Why do I fight the unmanageability and powerlessness of my disease despite nearly 40 years of adverse field research and relapsers returning with emotional and spiritual hat in hand?

2. Why is my default mechanism “self-reliance” instead of a Higher Power?

3. Why do I wrestle with control and try to fix, cure, judge, opine and shape rather than just let go?

4. Am I being honest and fearless enough with my character defects, or do I clench up to avoid the necessary pain that precedes emotional and spiritual release?

5. Am I fully willing to bring my defects to the light, or am I holding back because I can’t really trust the process?

6. Can I really trust something bigger than me to fully remove these character defects, or am I holding onto them too tightly because there is comfort in my discomfort?

7. Can I submit myself to a higher power as I understand it and truly shed the dysfunctional baggage, or do I want to grip too much to the old, rotted ways?

8. Is my amends list really thorough, or am I holding on too much to the fear of reprisal and accountability?

9. Can I make all the amends I need to, or do I hold on too tightly to my ego, pride and shame?

10. Am I taking a daily inventory and fixing my errors in real time, or am I gripping too hard to complacency and arrogance?

11. Am I seeking out conscious contact with my HP, or am I holding on too much to my will?

12. Am I being of enough service, or am I too stuck on me?

Each day is different on my yoga mat. Some days are fluid and effortless, many days are like turning squeaky wheels without lubricant. Each time I get onto my yoga mat, I get to set an intention and delve deeper into my recovery. Each day I arise, I get a chance to ask myself, “Where am I gripping on too tightly?”