A few years before I came to SA, I saw several therapists. I didn’t realize it then, but I was looking for a “higher power” that would save me from myself, that would carry me. Being saved and carried was exactly what I tried to find in lust.

One of the therapists encouraged me to masturbate, not understanding how much harm I did to myself and others by masturbating. Another problem with therapy was that I couldn’t be honest because of shame and because I couldn’t see the truth. You can imagine that therapy under these conditions did not help me; the pain inside of me kept growing. I kept acting out, being convinced that there was no solution to my addiction, that my case was too bad, that there was no hope.

When I eventually got a sponsor, took the Steps seriously, and did whatever was needed for recovery, I started to understand that my solution is my Higher Power. And this is the basis of my healing. My sponsor told me that, from his experience, the priority is working the steps, which brings some clarity. After that, I can get professional help for specific problems.

After taking my Ninth Step and experiencing sobriety, I identified health problems and emotional problems which prevent me from feeling peace and connection with my HP. I started to get outside help. For me it was definitely part of the Eleventh Step. Getting this outside help was a huge development in my spiritual life. I learned to connect with my body, and I learned how to take care of myself.

For me, a big part of recovery is to learn how to ask for help, to open my mind and listen to other people, to understand and accept a simple truth: I am not alone anymore!