My story is very similar to many I have read and heard in SA. I was sexually obsessive and compulsive for over 50 years. And my disease got progressively worse until I finally found myself living in a flop house hotel, losing my job, frequenting porno shops and flicks, and having lost my family and friends. In desperation, I called SA and got help. From the time I attended that first meeting nearly 32 months ago, I have been sober, and my recovery has progressed many times faster than my disease had. In gratitude, I share now.…

Before I came to SA, I was constantly overwhelmed by guilt and shame. My behavior was contrary to my own moral code and in violation of society’s expectations. As a result, my self-esteem was at rock bottom. I had been suicidal on five different occasions. I had been working with a very competent hypno-therapist on the self-esteem issue, but to no avail. However, after about 30 days of sobriety, the therapy began to work. In fact, I soon discontinued the therapy… I take great joy in the progress of my recovery since I decided to let God direct my life.…

Before coming into the fellowship, I lived a dual life—one very public and the other very secret. My family and friends had no idea of my obsession and compulsion. I was afraid that they would somehow find out and would have nothing more to do with me. But when I came into SA, I learned that I needed to share my deepest darkest secrets if I wanted to recover. And share I did, all of my Steps, even a summary of my Fourth, with my home group. As disclosure brought relief from my obsession, I gradually developed a genuine enthusiasm for sharing my insides with my fellows. Participation in the fellowship has greatly relieved my fear of disclosure to my closest friends, those in SA.…

I carried an enormous load of guilt and shame into SA. I know that my behavior was very wrong, but I also knew that I couldn’t stop for a whole day. I was convinced that my problem was moral depravity, and that I was beyond hope. But in SA I have learned that God could and would help me, if only I would work the Steps. As I worked seriously on my shortcomings and began to make amends, I felt the guilt and shame slide away. My awful past became simple historical fact. Yes, working those Steps most certainly relieved my burden of guilt and shame.…

I had always felt on edge and unhappy. I was a bundle of “self-will run riot.” Anger and resentment filled my days and nights. There was no peace in me, and certainly no joy. But in recovery I began to learn how to live. I began to feel good about myself and my life. I found significant serenity, and I developed the ability to enjoy life in freedom from obsession and compulsion.…

My life had been marked by a compulsive quest for better and better sex, which was never good enough to satisfy my cravings. Every waking moment focused on my obsession, and my compulsion drove most of my activities. My wife had left me and left town. I had no friends or relatives in town.

For the first year of my sobriety, my only friends were my fellows in SA. For me, sobriety meant total sexual abstinence, and that certainly seemed impossible. But this program works, by God! And the recovery I began to experience far outshined the loss of sexual pleasure, which was never enough anyway. I found that my life without sex was infinitely better than my former life with compulsive sex.…

As a compulsive pleasure seeker, my search was my illness. For me, sex was always self-centered. It always meant self-gratification. I was always using others, always taking, never giving, totally without love. But as I achieved some significant recovery, I began to develop a real relationship with my former wife. Now with “nothing to lose,” I was able to risk self-disclosure and make genuine amends. One year into sobriety I moved back in with her and our two daughters, and we agreed to live a celibate life until remarriage. So for the second year of my sobriety, I learned that love without sex was infinitely better than the earlier experience of sex without love.…

In summary, this program has really caused a spiritual awakening in me. I truly feel reborn. I have a new chance to really live this time. Through prayer and meditation, I have made a start, but I realize only a start, at developing a conscious contact with God. This initial effort has been so exciting and so rewarding that I expect this spiritual journey to be the central endeavor of the rest of my life.

God, I thank You for my sobriety, the precondition for my spiritual development. I thank You for the SA fellowship and for the 12-Step program that has provided the recovery I have experienced so far. And I thank You for the spiritual awakening that energizes me. Today I know that You will be my special partner in the continuing development of my spiritual life for the rest of my life. I ask only that I may continue to learn more and more of Your will for me, and that I may have the power to carry that out.