I became willing to turn my life over to the care of God. My first time was when I first entered the program. Then I finally admitted that it was not up to me to define the bottom line. To really turn over to my sponsor—regular contact, honest sharing of my lust and resentment and regular work on the Steps is my next step.

“Knowledge is Power” was always my motto. It kept me alive surrounded by others who were stronger or cooler than me. I always believed that my brains gave me power over the rest of the world, and always felt superior to everyone else because I was smart. When I went to college I had to deal with some people who really were smarter, but not many, and they were really geeks. So I was still superior to them, too! When that didn’t work there was always sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

I never had a problem thinking that this put me nearer to God. If God was something you felt, I guess that I never knew God. I never really believed that God ever did anything for me but make me smarter than everyone else.

When I started working the Third Step, I thought I had to know how to do it—how to ask God. How to give it up. Like there was a right way. If you did it right, it worked. If you didn’t, it didn’t work. What an excuse. I didn’t know the right words, so I couldn’t do it. Knowledge is Power—what nonsense. Just do it. Just give it up. If you just give it to Him, He’ll take it.