My name is Mike B. and I’m a sexaholic. I’m writing to share my joy and gratitude for what the fellowship of SA has done and is doing for me. Why am I joyful? I have a reprieve, one day at a time, from my obsession with lust. Also, I’m grateful for the open forum provided in our Essay—much like the A.A. Grapevine. I’ve learned that my way to life, sobriety and recovery is not the only way. I am learning tolerance. My arrogance, control, ego and fear take over when I hear differing opinions, or when someone can’t stay sober, or when someone is not doing it the way I think they should. Fortunately, I’m accepting this part of myself today and following the suggestions of my sponsor to be the kind of person I aspire to be.

I hate being critical and judgmental. It brings me such pain—much like the pain and remorse of my sexual acting out and lust. But with over five years of sobriety in SA it’s time to look at some other defects. I’m grateful for the willingness. I used to take it for granted until my sponsor told me it was a gift from God. Before, in sobriety, I would shame people who didn’t have it, self-righteously believing that I’d earned my willingness through all the hoops I jump through to stay sober. Then I could never understand why I was so offensive to people. I assumed they wanted to hear and do all I did in my program. Of course, I’d offer my vast wisdom unsolicited! After one of my “I’ll fix you” bouts, I’d feel confused, rejected, and guilty, yet strangely responsible for their sobriety and recovery. “If only I say the right thing, they’ll get sober,” I thought. I went to S-Anon for several years, read Al-Anon literature, shared as honestly as I could, but continued to use my “wisdom” regarding recovery as a bat to beat people with. It took a few incidents where people said, “Mind your own business!” which helped wake me up. Fortunately, God is teaching me so much through others who have been down the same path. That’s the beauty of this program for me. I’m not so unique, and when I reach out with any concern in my life, I’ll find good orderly direction. It proves again, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. See you at a meeting.