[Excerpt from a member’s report to Intergroup on the January 1995 conference in L.A. Ed.]

On the first day of the conference I shared at a taped meeting about New York’s progress and got a warm confirmation from many members on how healing it is for them to hear that SA here is active and grateful. I told them we had adopted the standard meeting format and the kind of results that this had produced, and many people came up to me afterwards asking how we did it. It kept green for me the memory of that first week when we read What Is a Sexaholic and the fear I felt reading it the day after Intergroup voted to recommend it! I remembered that another member of Intergroup attended to support me so I told them not to try to do it alone but to get an ally. So our courage from last year served as a role model for many SA’s this year.

I saw that many groups had a unity that could only leave me breathless. In search of this “unity” I participated in the PIR (Partners in Recovery) Step One writing and giveaway process being offered at the conference, and had a real spiritual experience. (Sunday, January 29, 1995, in fact, a member of our fellowship gave away his written First Step in this format and we had a terrific experience again.) Although SA recommends no set process for recovery in Step work (p. 186, White Book) and I saw three written processes being handed around at the conference, this PIR process was designed by the conference committee to give the sponsorless newcomer with the beginning of their first 30 days of sobriety (and a desire to give away his/her Step) a safe, immediate way of doing it. It requires two sober SA’s, allowing for a small group of other listeners if they choose to be there, and a safe situation aimed at a non-graphic, non-specific rendering of a person’s lust history: what they did, how they felt, and what it (the addiction) tells them about themselves. It was suggested we only take half an hour to get it on paper, chronological order not a must.

I’m personally fired up about offering this as a possible way for newcomers because at my meeting there is a great deal of slipping and suffering with no structural guidance from the group to aid and support the newcomer. It was also suggested that the person give the Step away again at the earliest opportunity to another group. In California groups these folks then act as welcoming people to other newcomers, telling their stories to them and possibly encouraging them to participate in the process, if they find themselves willing but sponsorless for the moment. In turn, these folks then act as sponsors who are one step ahead, in their first 30 days of sobriety. At least it provides some structure and concrete evidence of Tradition Five—that our primary purpose is to carry the message to the still-suffering sexaholic. I see the contrary a lot—“you can sit here and contribute a dollar, but you’re on your own to find help. I’ve got mine.” (This is a reflection of my own guilt more than anything.) In general, a great emphasis at the conference was put on SA newcomers being able to see smiling faces and being greeted by hands reaching out to him or her.

Speaking of her: a terrific awakening came to me when I walked in to give my written First Step and two men sat waiting to hear it. I balked. I was groomed to stay away from men and had expected two women to catch the assignment. (I think of the things I’ve heard lately after meetings about Miss A being too graphic and Miss B’s attire being too revealing and nobody male willing to tell her our policies, let alone help her get her First Step heard, because she’s a woman!) I thought of the recommendation I got from Westchester once that a woman who could not find a woman sponsor get three men to sponsor her (how terrifying!). When I asked about this at the conference I was told categorically that the disease was the common enemy, not each other (White Book, p. 178-79). Men who are sober and surrendered make themselves available as temporary sponsors if a woman is not available. I met one woman who has had a male sponsor “temporarily” for a year now. I think we need to ask ourselves here who is the enemy and allow that some of our guys are ready to handle this task. A Sponsorship Panel was held. Many suggestions were offered. I recommend that if we hold our spring conference this year, a similar panel [be set up and that it should be attended by members with long-term sobriety and experience in sponsorship].