Some people have asked me about the fear list and gratitude list. I don’t have a formula, but here’s how I do them:

Fear List: What am I afraid of? Name all fears, no matter how little or big. Why am I feeling the fear? Usually, I think it’s life threatening, or threatens my feeling of safety, security, stability or comfort.

Is the fear real or imagined? What if what I fear happens? I will still be alive. I will still have God. I will still have the program. I can live through it. I don’t have to medicate any of my feelings.

Do I have any control over what I’m afraid of? (Note the value of the Serenity Prayer here.) Am I afraid that if I have no control I am going to die or be in great pain? Am I afraid that God is not in control?

Gratitude List: What do I have in my life that I am grateful for? What do I have in my life that I’m not grateful for — and consider gifts anyway? What has God given me in the past and present to be grateful for? Do I have my health? My job? A place to live? God? Friends in the program? A program? Sobriety?

Do I feel thankful to be alive today rather than dead for my addiction? Am I making progress? Am I out of jail? Out of an institution? Am I learning from my mistakes instead of remaining in the insane behavior?

Am I learning to trust? To give and receive the actions of love? Make better decisions? A better quality of mistake? — I love that one! Am I doing my Step work and staying connected to God and my sponsor and fellowship?

Typically, when I write down the things I’m afraid of, I see that many of them are not that scary. They aren’t life threatening. I start to feel afraid of “what if” and project into the future. If I look at right here, right now, my life is rather good and I have nothing to fear. God is in control and taking care of me and everyone else.

The gratitude list helps me to see how God is working in my life and how wonderful my life is. It helps me to pinpoint what is working. It helps me get out of self-pity on the one hand and grandiosity on the other. It helps me to better see how many of my fears are opportunities to find gratitude. Even if the thing I’m afraid of does happen, I can still stay alive and be okay. I don’t have to act out. I will not die and I can stay sober and sane through the pain as long as I’m working the Steps and trusting God.