I came into SA hoping it would save my marriage. I thought it was going well, but my wife said she needed some space, that my just being in the house was a constant reminder, and that our children didn’t see that I was having any consequences for my misbehavior. I left, but we still met at church on Sundays, and I continued doing the house maintenance. Neither of us could afford to keep the house on our own, so I paid the mortgage and insurance, and she paid the utilities. And I kept coming back.

I frequently rode my bicycle to meetings twice a week, and while I was riding back to my apartment on Wednesday night, February 5, 1990, a motorist sent me flying. She said she didn’t see me until I went past her windshield. My wife came to the hospital to pick me up. But my leg got worse, so I went back to the hospital. I was on an IV drip for 10 days for a blood clot. I was off work for three months. My wife put me in my son’s room and took care of me until I could return to my apartment. I worked part-time for three months, then got laid off effective the day the doctor said I could return to work full-time.

But I kept coming back to meetings and being active in the program, leading meetings and participating in our local Intergroup and Marathons. While my wife and I were separated, we went to counseling programs and both attended the Philadelphia International Convention.

I had told her that sex was optional, and two-and-a-half years after separating, my wife said, “I haven’t had sex the whole time you have been gone, I didn’t miss it, and I don’t care if I never have it again. If you can accept that, I would like to have you come back.” I accepted, and came back—on April Fool’s Day. I remind myself what a fool I had been.

She has supported my work in SA. I shared my story with my family of origin (parents, sister, brothers and their wives) at a family meeting in my parent’s home. I wrote the 10-year history of SA in the Pittsburgh/Tri-state area, have a good long-term relationship with my sponsor, hosted a Regional Meeting in our house, set up a tape lending library for our groups, sponsored many members, wrote a draft of the SA Service Manual section on the Twelve Concepts, and serve as Intergroup Rep to the Region and Regional Delegate to the General Assembly. I kept coming back, and kept working. Service work has been both good for me and to me.

When my wife said, “I thought you said sex was optional.” I replied, “It is; that doesn’t mean that it is my preference.” However, we both listen better, give each other space and support; enjoy our time together, and do things for one another.

I kept coming back and kept working. I have received the rewards and seen the promises come true; that is why I keep coming back and keep working.

Last October, my wife and I celebrated our 45th Anniversary in Hawaii. And I’m still coming back.