Accepting God’s will for my life, when it conflicts with my own desires, is a difficult part of recovery for me. One of the things that helps me do this, however, is to remember that I’m incapable of properly running my own life. When I was in charge, things got messed up badly—and not just because of my addiction. I finally came to the realization that God has to be in charge of everything in order for me to function.

It was difficult. I wanted to turn my will and my life over to God, but I didn’t know how—and I didn’t realize that I didn’t know how. As I got further into working the Steps, however, I began to see specific areas of my life that I was clinging to. I could then make the decision to surrender them.

Now that I have six years of sobriety, the process has gotten somewhat easier. But I still frequently find myself in a situation where my self-will comes into play. It’s about dying to self.

There’s another aspect to this, one mentioned on page 418 of Alcoholics Anonymous. Quite simply put, I don’t know what’s good for me, but God does. It helps to remind myself that God can see the big picture.

Here’s a trivial example. Suppose that I don’t like the way the person in front of me is driving. He’s going too slow, and I can’t pass. Do I get irritated and angry? Do I tailgate him so that he’ll maybe go faster? Or do I surrender the situation as being part of God’s will for me? Maybe if this person wasn’t slowing me down, I’d get caught in an accident further down the road. Or maybe I’d get to my destination sooner, only to have the building collapse on me in an earthquake, whereas that wouldn’t happen because I’d been slowed down. Maybe that driver ahead of me is an angel in disguise, sent there by God to keep these bad things from happening to me. Yet I, in my small, self-centered world, can only see that my will is being stymied.

Finally, I have come to realize that God has my best interests at heart. He loves me and wants me to be happy, joyous, and free. I’ve come to trust His will over my own.

These are the things that work for me.