Recently, while attending an SA meeting, I was having a dialogue inside my head as someone read aloud “The Solution” (SA 61). The second paragraph begins….

“We discovered that we could stop, that not feeding the hunger didn’t kill us, that sex was indeed optional. There was hope for freedom, and we began to feel alive.”

Everything was well and good so far. I liked the idea of feeling alive again! I really loved discovering that I could stop and that sex was optional. I had never considered such a possibility. What a great feeling to have this burden lifted! (Thank you very much SA.) But the reading doesn’t end there:

“Encouraged to continue, we turned more and more away from our isolating obsession with sex and self and turned to God and others.”

That feels like I’m facing a “turning point” of sorts, as described in AA 59. Back to the SA reading…

“All this was scary. We couldn’t see the path ahead [Whoa… you call this The Solution?], except that others had gone that way before. Each new step of surrender felt it would be off the edge into oblivion [what happened to that part about beginning to feel alive?], but we took it.”

Oh you mean I can’t just hang around up there in that other paragraph and feel alive? You mean I finally have to face myself? But I don’t like myself. When I look into the isolating obsession of self, I relive the trauma of my past. It hurts and it’s scary. It stirs up feelings of guilt and shame. And when I feel those feelings, that’s when I experience lust obsessions. Lust is my solution. It’s what I’ve done all my life. It’s the only solution I know. And instead of killing us, surrender was killing the obsession! We had stepped into the light, into a whole new way of life.

But this time I’m willing to try it your way. After all, the reading is all about “The Solution.” My solutions never worked, but the fellowship is here to support me and give me a safe haven where I can finally face myself.

So I will take the Twelve Steps and face myself. I will turn to God and others to help me along the way. I will carry the SA message of spiritual awakening and practice these principles in all my affairs. And when I experience temptation to lust I will remember that facing myself, in the light of my experience and recovery is the solution, and I will be encouraged to continue…