There’s a subtle difference between gladness and gratitude that I’ve been pondering for a while. I write a gratitude list at the end of each day, but a lot of times I’m just writing down things that were ‘good’ that happened in a day. Things like “I’m glad there were no cars in the apartment parking lot right next to me so I could more easily back out” or “I’m glad the weather was nice today so I could take a walk at lunchtime” or “I’m glad that my good friend called me to talk.” This gladness has selfish overtones; I feel good about/pleased at something being convenient or pleasant and remembering it leads me to believe a little more that the world really is about me/revolves around me. I can even be glad about bad things. I can grudgingly admit that I’m glad for an opportunity to grow in humility, because I know in the end it’s good for me and will help me.

Things I’m glad about are things that are about me. So gladness for me is a relation between myself and my emotions; all about me, never going beyond myself. Gratitude is different; it’s a relation between me and my Higher Power. It’s humbling to remember that I am not the means and end of every action in my world. Every night I have to make the mental shift from thinking about myself and what I enjoyed in the day to remembering the larger picture of my life with my Higher Power. I put myself in this position by remembering that I am not owed or entitled to any of the good things that have come my way. I remember my insanity and acting out and the ways I have harmed others. When I keep these in mind, the good things that happen become truly unexpected and undeserved and I am able to receive them humbly and be truly grateful.