Heard from a chronic slipper at a meeting: “I always prided myself on how humble I was.”

Sexaholic Prayer

“Lord, in the past several hours I have not hurt anyone. I have not acted out. I have peacefully coexisted with life. For that I am grateful. But I’m about to get out of bed now and I’m really going to need your help.”

A man bought a new Mercedes Benz to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open up the car. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

“There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100…. Then the reality of the situation hit him. “What am I doing?” he thought. “This is not God’s will for me” and he pulled over. He began reciting the Serenity Prayer in his head as the cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it as well as the car. “It’s been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th,” the cop said. “I don’t feel like more paperwork, I don’t need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks about it for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!” “Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.