The sexaholic on the telephone was palpably discouraged. “My lust does not seem to be getting better,” he said. “I still want to type sexual search terms into my computer. I find myself fantasizing about contacting women I’ve seen. Why doesn’t my lusting get better?”

My response to him grew from my considering Type 1 diabetes as a similar disease to sexaholism. Diabetes is, like our addiction, a chronic, progressive, and possibly fatal disease. Diabetes, once diagnosed, describes a permanent change in a person. For the rest of their lives they will not produce the insulin they need to properly utilize glucose. Diabetes often begins to show symptoms long before it’s diagnosed. Nobody wants to develop diabetes. Due to a wide range of reasons from genetics to lifestyle choices, they do. Neither does anybody want to live as a diabetic, especially of the “brittle” or Type 1 sort. It seems like a lot of work just to stay well. It is a lot of work.

Having known young diabetics, I remember how much they wish they did not have the disease. If they try to act like they do not have diabetes, or they don’t properly treat it, there can be serious consequences, including comas and even death. However, equally importantly, if they monitor their glucose levels and inject insulin when necessary, they can live normal and enjoyable lives.

What about the sexaholic who called? I told him I’ve never known a diabetic whose disease gets better over the years. I have known many whose diabetes gets worse. And, in my experience, that’s the way it is with our sexaholism. It will not get better over the years, even if we work a “good program,” it might get worse just as an allergy can get worse over the years.

However, if we monitor our thoughts and actions every day, and use the Twelve Steps, and surrender to a Higher Power, we can live normal and enjoyable lives. For both of these chronic diseases, acceptance is the answer that opens the door to a program that allows one to be “happily and usefully whole.”

The phone caller seemed somewhat stunned by my response to “my lust does not seem to be getting better.” In phone calls since he also has referred to what I said and has mentioned passing on the comparison to others. While he may not find his lust getting better, I really believe he will keep getting better as he works our SA program. I do know that’s been true for me.