I’ve been sober since January 7, 2023. That day I took a flight to South Africa (SA), so I literally traveled to a new life since then. God has an amazing sense of humor!

FIRST STOP: Bogotá.

September 2014: One Friday night I called SA because I had done something that ashamed me profoundly. “Why can’t I stop? Why do my relationships not last? What is wrong with me?” I still remember the understanding male voice telling me there was a solution for me. However, the sobriety definition seemed too strict for me: “It is impossible for a young and pretty woman. Youth is a synonym for parties, boyfriends, and joy. By that time, lust was still my friend.”

SECOND STOP: Cape Town.

February 2015: I had the common sexaholic fantasy of traveling to escape from the addiction: “Maybe Colombian men are the problem.” So, I traveled, and to my surprise I was acting out on my first weekend in the new country. Again, I contacted SA in that city, but the situation was the same: I was not ready to embrace sexual sobriety and there were no women in the group. Then, when I found a new boyfriend there, he became my God, and I left SA again.

A Season in Purgatory.

In the years in between, I tried everything: therapy, reading books, changing my patterns of acting out, and attempting to achieve sobriety on my own numerous times. I even joined another fellowship based on the 12-Step program, which greatly helped me understand the program and connect with women. However, I never achieved complete sobriety. I found myself trapped in a cycle of depression, anxiety, and codependent relationships, wasting my life and trading lust for “love.” I used my own body to instigate men in exchange for a little bit of attention: “‘Please connect with me and make me whole!’ we cried with outstretched arms” (SA v). This quote perfectly describes my situation between 2015 and 2022.

THIRD STOP: Bochum.

January 2023: After hitting a terrible rock bottom, I wanted to kill myself. My first four months in Germany were a huge binge of lust. In fact, lust became my master. I totally lost control. I did not know how to stop and saw death as the only possible solution. I had a stopover in hell during the first week of January 2023. One night, I was too close to the railway, and I could feel the speed sensation of the trains on my face. I knew deep inside that the “party was over.”

I realized with every fiber of my being that the obsession could kill me. I hope I never forget that feeling because if I do, it will surely lead to my death. That night, the idea of contacting SA crossed my mind, marking the first miracle in my journey: I had not thought about SA in seven years. I had dismissed SA not only due to its definition of sobriety but also because there were too many men at meetings. How could I recover among men? I believed they couldn’t understand my problem, and deep down, I harbored the belief that men were inherently evil and unreliable. It may seem contradictory because my addiction was seeking male attention. My life’s goal had been to find the “charming prince.” Imagine how absurd it was: searching for true love through lust, all the while harboring a deep-seated resentment towards men while craving their love and companionship.

However, my desperation was huge, and I contacted the SA group in my city even without speaking German, at that point I was willing to do anything. Then, the second miracle: the male fellow who replied to me was supportive and kind, and showed interest in helping me out and offered help with translation. He also gave me the contact of a female fellow who told me, “There is a life beyond the obsession for a partner.” That was totally unbelievable by that time.

FINAL DESTINATION: Recovery.

At my first meeting, I was nervous. I felt completely shattered inside, sitting in a room full of men, in a foreign country, and communicating in a language that is not my native one. However, the meeting turned out to be incredibly moving. A female fellow joined us through the phone and shared a story very similar to mine. I remember every word and detail of that night. Surprisingly, those men had a lot in common with me, and they made me feel safe and included from the very beginning.

I desired what they had. I couldn’t sleep that night due to the excitement, in a positive way, as I thought about the things I had heard. I felt like a little girl on the night before a trip. And I was right: my boarding pass is sobriety, the airplane is SA, the other passengers are my fellow members, the pilot is the best one, an expert: the Higher Power. The destination is a life beyond my imagination.

The Bochum group has been my home for over a year. I don’t fully grasp the meetings, but I attend them nonetheless because the spiritual message of SA transcends language; it speaks directly to the heart. Of course, I participate in many other online meetings, but during my darkest times, when I need a hug, when I feel isolated and trapped inside my own thoughts, I have a room where I can truly connect.

The White Book mentions the hunger for God, but I wasn’t just hungry; I was completely starved when I came to SA. Fortunately, SA offers a nourishing and abundant menu. Finally, I found all the love and attention I had been seeking through lust. I used to imagine that the love of “The One” would save me, but I was given something even better: the love of hundreds of people who genuinely care about me.

This program turns lead into gold, as I heard an oldtimer share. And it’s undeniably true; SA is transforming a once-suicidal lust addict into a happy and grateful daughter of God. Male members have been incredible companions on this journey. It’s been a pleasant surprise to discover their patience, care, and tenderness. I used to view them as objects of my lust or as adversaries—feeling hatred, lust, or fear towards them. However, in my home group, within the translation committee of the ESSAY I’m a part of, and in the numerous meetings where I’ve been the only woman in the room, I’ve discovered true brothers.