Why is it so hard to give up those flirtations with lust? It’s because I can’t fully surrender my will over my own choices that causes me trouble. Even though I often know I should not do something or go someplace, I have trouble giving it up because I don’t want to admit that I can’t handle it. I want to believe that this time it will be different. Somehow I will be stronger this time. Or I can just squeeze by and not be affected by what’s out there. Maybe I can just have a quick look and it won’t affect me. Wrong!

Every time I flirt with lust I pay the price in my spiritual life and my thought life. I have to then battle twice as hard the next few days over my lustful thoughts and drives. I have to be more careful. I become preoccupied with trying to avoid acting out. I have to sift through the cloud of lust over me to just get through to God. To do the normal things of life I have to swim through my lust that’s right in front of my face. It affects those around me. I may have less patience and tolerance of others. Why? Because it’s me I’m mad at and disappointed at and it’s easier to blame those close to me than look at myself and my addiction. It says in a very wise book, “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?”

I’m a sexaholic. I can’t handle situations where I have to make a choice whether to say yes or no. I don’t have that power of choice in many cases anymore. I am weak in this area. I have used up all my willpower a long time ago. It’s God that gets me through these situations without harm. Left to my own devices, I will act out every chance I get. Without His help I would be lost in the sea of lust without a lifejacket. But thanks be to God, by His grace I can ask for forgiveness and surrender the lust before it takes a hold of me and I can’t get loose.

It would be so much easier if I didn’t put myself in those situations where I have to make a choice. One day at a time, little by little I am learning this lesson. Each time hopefully I will listen to my inner voice and stay away. With God’s help I can let go of the anchor around my neck of things I think will make me feel better but only cause me to suffer from lust so strongly.

I must give up the right to these and give them back to God. Maybe when I do that He will give them back when I can handle them. Or show me an alternative way to enjoy them that is safer for me. But first I must give them up for the sake of sobriety and living in God’s will, not mine. Oh Lord, please help me surrender the things that I need to surrender so I can see you more clearly and stay on the right path, turning neither right nor left.