SA’s sobriety definition says “for the single sexaholic, sexual sobriety means freedom from sex of any kind.” It does not say that we endure the endless torture of chastity. As a single sexaholic sobriety means freedom: freedom from the baggage that goes along with premarital sex, freedom from wondering if I’ll “get lucky” with a certain person, freedom from worrying about pregnancy or the spread of disease, freedom from the morning after (feeling obligated to now have strong feelings for the person or be committed to him). Also freedom from masturbation: the secrecy, the shame, and the mental torture of it never meeting my expectations.

In sobriety I am free to have a conversation with a person without flirtation, innuendo, or ulterior motives. I can have a dating relationship where my judgment is not clouded by sex or the expectation or anticipation of sex.