It is important for me to understand the spiritual nature of my disease for several reasons. First, if it is truly spiritual, then it doesn’t matter what the drug is, and everything in the AA literature is also true for me. Thus, “The Doctor’s Opinion,” “Bill’s Story,” “There is a Solution,” “More About Alcoholism”—all apply to me, and I need what those chapters tell me.

Second, I need to separate the physical, emotional, and spiritual. It is important for me to know that I am not my emotions. When I am in pain, I need to know that my spirit is not broken. The storm of my emotions may be raining down on me, but my Self is rooted.

Third, this disease is physical, and it has seriously damaged my relationship to my own body. For a long time, my only relationship to my body was sexual. I was not athletic, and rarely exercised. I used my own body as nothing more than an instrument of immediate gratification. I did not treat my own body with respect. Acting out was a one-size-fits-all cure for all negative emotions, all physical discomfort, all needs for pleasure, and all my spiritual emptiness.

So now, when I remove that “cure” I need to have new strategies to address all of these needs. In the words of the White Book, “Healing had to come about in all three” (204).