Recently, I was blessed to participate in another member’s Step One inventory. After the member shared his inventory, someone asked him, “What could be the consequences if you continue down this road of addiction?” As I listened to his response, I knew that I had heard all of those consequences before. In fact, I had personally experienced many of them to a greater or lesser degree: loss of a job and financial ruin, loss of respect in the community, loss of respect from children, loss of other close relationships—as well as stress, shame, fear, lies, secrecy, jail, disease… right down to loss of life.

As an addict I know this list, even if I have viewed parts of it through the filter of denial. In addiction, all of this can come true! I have known for years that the slippery slope only leads downward, and it gets uglier and more painful the further you slide. As I was reviewing the familiar list of losses, I was blessed with a new insight—a new loss that I had never thought of before and wanted to share. I thought, “If he stays in his addiction he will lose the opportunity to lead his family in recovery.”

As he talked of the wreckage and drama that was now a part of his life, I began to see how many other people had also been hurt. They needed healing as well as he did, and hopefully they will heal. The question was clear in my mind: “Will he step up and be a leader in healing the pain and wreckage that he caused?” Then, more important, I had to ask myself, “Have I stepped up, and am I leading my family in healing and recovery?”

I began to think about what it means to be a leader in healing. I know what it is like to be a leader in destruction—I had been doing that for years! But to be a leader in healing?

I came to SA in June of 2006 and since then, one day at a time, I have tried to be a leader in healing the wreckage and pain caused by my addiction. My family has been blessed by my continuing recovery. I am so grateful! I love recovery. In my addiction, with no thought or possibility of recovery, I was destroying everything that is truly important and beautiful in my life. In recovery, everything that is truly important and beautiful is healing and growing as I lead the way—one step at a time, one day at a time, through my own recovery.

I have been able to have conversations with my children about lust, love, and sexuality. I’ve been able to have conversations I never had with my parents. I grew up believing that my wife was the approved object of my lust. In SA, I have learned to surrender lust in marriage. My children are seeing an example of a marriage that is healing and becoming more loving, honest, and open.

The tension level of our home is dropping—and when it does go up, it comes down faster than before. I invited my son to go to a meeting with me. He accepted my invitation, and recovery has blessed his life. I am happier, more peaceful and fun to be around. I have more patience and more understanding. Today when I am home, I am truly at home.

I still struggle. I am an addict. But in those moments of stress, temptation, and insanity—when old addictive thoughts and behaviors surface—I have tools, skills, and support that I didn’t have before. Today I am grateful for the miracle of recovery. I look back now and I can see so many places where God has done things for me that I could not have done for myself. I frequently have to remind myself to let Him drive the bus. But even when I kick Him out of the driver’s seat and drive the bus off the road, He is willing to take over and help me get back on the road again.

I heard once from an AA old-timer that recovery is “mercifully slow.” There are so many things that need attention, healing, and recovery that I could never do it quickly. If I tried to fix everything on my “wreckage” list today, I would feel hopeless and overwhelmed. But if I practice recovery, just one day at a time, with the Grace of my Higher Power, I have hope.

I have seen the miracle of healing in my family as I have been blessed to be able to lead the way. I now have a partner in my healing—my Higher Power—Who is helping me demonstrate to others His love and power as I learn to do His will. As I heal, my world is healing. Recovery is a beautiful thing!