I was born with a fatal kidney disease. It wasn’t diagnosed until I was 22 years old. Once it was diagnosed, my doctors could keep an eye on it and help me learn how to live with it.

When I was 44, I was diagnosed with the fatal disease of sex addiction by a different kind of doctor—a Ph.D., who recommended SA as the treatment for my illness. I went to a few SA meetings but decided not to stay and switched to another S-fellowship.

I had been in that fellowship for six years when my kidney disease finally caught up with me. I was told that it was time for either a transplant or dialysis. I had just recently gotten sober—again—and I stayed sober through the entire transplant testing and waiting.

Finally, the day came for the transplant—a life-saving gift from one of my sisters. My biggest fear going into the surgery was losing my sobriety of eight months, which I really treasured. I had become very dependent on the fellowship for my sobriety and feared that not going to meetings during my medically-imposed post-surgical isolation would make it nearly impossible for me to stay sober. Not having learned how to handle fears by using the Steps, not being connected to God and quickly slipping into self-pity because of the isolation, I did lose my sobriety within a couple of months after the transplant.

After about a month of using Internet pornography and masturbating, I really wanted to stop, and decided to give SA another try. At the first meeting, I recognized two of the men from my first few meetings in 2002. Both had been sober since I stopped attending, six years earlier. I found that pretty encouraging. Soon after I started in SA, I got sober too. Two-and-a-half years later, I can see the parallels between maintaining my transplanted kidney and maintaining my sobriety. I can also see how much harder it has been to maintain my sobriety and why.

To keep the gift I received from my sister through the efforts of the transplant team, I must take several immunosuppressant drugs every day. I must also keep an eye on my weight and blood pressure to watch for signs of possible rejection. I go to the lab regularly to have my blood drawn so the transplant team can make sure everything is working as it should. I go to the clinic several times a year to meet with members of the transplant team for a check-up.

I’ve also been doing my part to keep the gift of sobriety I received from God through the fellowship of SA. First and foremost, it requires daily attention. Instead of pills, I use prayer, meditation, and contact with others in the fellowship on a daily basis to stay connected with God as a defense against lust—in much the same way that my immunosuppressant drugs provide a defense against my body’s tendency to reject the transplanted kidney.

I could do a mini-inventory every few weeks to see whether I am practicing the principles of the program the way I should—but I find it is much more effective to do one daily. And just as my transplant team often suggests adjustments to my medications (which I always follow, without question), members of the fellowship give me the feedback I need to make necessary adjustments to my program (which I am much more likely to heed than I was in the past). Both help me stay alive.

But probably the most important similarity is that, in both cases, I realize I have been given a tremendous gift through the grace of God and the generosity of others. Just as I have gotten into the habit of caring for my new kidney, the fellowship of SA is helping me get into the habit of caring for my new relationship with God, which makes staying sober one day at a time a real possibility. Whenever the “demands” of maintaining one of those two gifts seems a little burdensome, I just have to remember how blessed I am, and be grateful.

Interestingly, it was much easier for me as a patient to turn my will and my life (literally) over to the care of the transplant team than it was for me as a sexaholic to turn my will and my life over to God’s care. Perhaps it was easier for me to accept my powerlessness regarding my kidney disease. Or perhaps I have been insufficiently grateful for the gift of sobriety. In truth, I cannot count on one more recovery if I go back to my sex addiction, any more than I can count on getting another donated kidney should I lose the one I have.

It has taken me a long time to treasure my sobriety as much as I have treasured my new kidney from the day I received it. Thank God, the members of SA have taught me to appreciate the gift of sobriety as much as I appreciate the gift of my new kidney.

I will never be able to repay my sister for her gift to me, but the Twelfth Step gives me a wonderful way to repay those SA members who have helped me stay sober one day at a time. May I never forget to pass on what I’ve been given!