I’m now eight years sober, thanks to the grace of my Higher Power, the help of my sponsor, and the encouragement of program meetings. I have not seen many beatific moments in my recovery, but there has been steady, plodding growth as I work my program one day at a time. Indeed, I subscribe to the idea of “spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection” (SA 207). As I get further away in time from the last incident of acting out—and the moments of indulging in lust become fewer—I find that more of my daily conscious thoughts and habits are free from lust.

I was recently asked to speak on the topic, “What Does Long-Term Sobriety Look Like?” at a marathon meeting in my home city. In preparing for the talk, I had to take my own inventory (the only inventory I’m entitled to take!). In doing so, I recognized that I still have many defects and I still struggle with lust. The difference today is that I’m more aware of my triggers, and I’m also more aware of the character defects that make me susceptible to triggers.

After making a list of my character defects (in Steps Four and Five), I surrendered them to my Higher Power and asked to have them taken away (Steps Six and Seven). While I still have many defects, today I’m more aware of when they start to affect me, so I am better able to take action than I was at first.

Following are some actions that help me stay sober when I’m confronted with specific triggers. Perhaps some of these actions will be helpful to others.

• Fatigue. I’m more apt to indulge lust when I’m physically, mentally, or emotionally exhausted. My memory is short when I’m tired, and I forget that I really don’t want to indulge lust. I forget the sad effects that happened in my life when I indulged in lust. So today, when I recognize that I’m getting tired, I try to take a 10- or 15-minute catnap. Afterwards, I receive new energy, and lust loses its attraction. Then, what seemed tempting to me before appears in its true guise as something I really don’t need or want.

• Resentments. A big character defect for me is holding grudges. I’ll find myself thinking, “How could that person do or say that to me?” or “I don’t deserve such treatment,” and so on. When I become aware of these feelings of resentment, I turn to prayer. I pray for myself that I may let go of the resentment, and I pray for the individual I’m resenting, that he or she may be blessed. Sometimes it takes a while for me to truly let go of the resentment. Even though I’ve turned it over to my Higher Power, my emotions lag behind. But I’ve learned that “Time heals all.” This seems to be true even with my emotions.

• Anger. Anger can overpower me, especially when I don’t allow myself to feel it. Growing up, I did not allow myself to express anger. I would make excuses for those who offended me, bury the emotions, and tell myself that everything was all right. Sometimes I still react this way. However, I know that anger is a trigger for me, so when I feel anger today, I try to express it in a way that is respectful to others. When that is not possible, I let the energy out by exercising or working on a hobby.

• Frustration of my will. I often want things to go my own way—perhaps not so much in the small things, but especially when I think something is important. When my will is frustrated, I find the Serenity Prayer to be helpful. I pray to detach from any particular outcome and accept God’s will for me. This helps me find acceptance.

• Boredom. When I’m bored, I look for something to give me a “kick.” I did this in the past when I indulged in lust by viewing pornography sites on the Web, and I got a kick out of taking the risk of being caught by my wife. Eventually, the pictures I viewed also became boring. The process of tolerance kept me continuously searching for newer and different stimuli.

  Today, when I feel bored, I look for different ways to engage with the world. I paint, play my mandolin, start a new book, or start a new hobby. Four years ago I took up bird watching, and this has helped keep my mind active and boredom at bay.

• Entitlement. After I complete a task that I don’t enjoy doing, I want to reward myself. Formerly, I would reward myself with pornography and acting out. I still get feelings of entitlement when I complete tasks that I do not enjoy doing, but my rewards have changed today. Sometimes when these feelings come up, I call my sponsor or a friend in the program. If there is a reward that seems safe, I might let myself relax and enjoy myself. For example, I might watch a movie with someone who can discern its appropriateness for me.

Today I recognize that there is no magic, no trick, and no single action that keeps me sober. But I’m grateful that—even though my reactions to life can sometimes still be triggers for me—today I am able to recognize triggers and their threat to my sobriety, so that I can better respond to them in healthy ways. Working my program in the SA fellowship has given me sobriety, hope, and a “reasonably happy” life.