I was on a slippery slope. For the past few months I had begun indulging in lust, as well as resentment, anger, and self-pity. I was yelling at my kids, demanding things from my husband and family, and wallowing in self-pity. I was spending more time in my head, in fantasy about past sexual encounters.

It was the holiday season and I was busy, so I told myself I didn’t have time for meetings, and my attendance at my local meetings became sporadic. I also stopped attending regular phone meetings, and I was disconnected from my sponsor, not calling her for months. I started to believe that I could control my addiction. Then one day I decided to “just see” what porn would look like on my fancy new smart phone. But when the page appeared, I instantly felt shame. I could feel it through my whole body. Thank God, I was able to close the page immediately and pray for the people I saw on the site. This helped me get out of my head and back into reality. That was my wake-up call. I returned the phone the next day.

I knew that I had to get back to my program, and I started back to meetings. Then I remembered that the Portland convention would be coming up soon. Portland, OR is my hometown, and I suddenly really wanted to be there. I fondly remembered my first SA convention, in Newark, NJ in 2010. I always wanted to attend another one but never had the funds to go. But this time I learned that my local Intergroup has a scholarship fund for just this purpose, so I was on my way. I was also excited to stay a few extra days with family and friends.

The convention was exactly what I needed. I had prayed to be saved from isolation from God and others, and now here I was with more than 400 members of my SA family. I met women I had talked with over the phone but had never met in person, and I met many new women. I met people from all over the world, including Germany, Switzerland, Canada, and the UK. I found fellowship with much laughter and happiness.

The convention schedule was packed with meetings and speakers. I attended as many meetings as I could, absorbing as much of the recovery in each as I could. I was inspired to hear so many different ways that people experience victory over lust.

I loved the topic meetings, such as “A Grateful Addict Will Not Use.” I was inspired by a panel of members with long-term sobriety, who shared their experience, strength, and hope. I learned a lot about recovery from them.

During the meals, I was blessed to hear both SA and S-Anon speakers. The S-Anon speakers helped me understand how my acting out has affected not only my husband, but everyone in my life. I know that I never want to go back there again. I also attended the celebration of sobriety after the Friday night dinner. One by one, about 300 of us went up on the stage to receive a chip for our varying lengths of sobriety—for a combined total of about 956 years! That had a tremendous impact on me.

Since I got home, I’ve gone back to all of my regular meetings. I’m getting better at sharing my weaknesses, reaching out to others, and doing service work. The convention helped me understand my powerlessness and helped me get back on track. I feel a renewed connection with my Higher Power and my fellow SA members.

I would encourage anyone who is struggling to attend an SA convention. I cannot fight my disease alone, but at the convention I found that help is available when I ask for it. This is an experience way beyond a local meeting.

As “The Solution” says, “We were making the real connection, we were home” (SA 62). For me, this convention brought me home. Not just to my hometown, but home to my SA family.