Originally published in ESSAY, 2003, Issue One

Not long ago, I did it: I put a Desire chip in my mouth. And no, it didn’t melt.

Earlier that day, I had attended a meeting with a newcomer there. We gave him an SA desire chip with the familiar instructions, “When you get a lust attack, put this in your mouth. When it melts you may act out.” Within an hour after leaving the meeting, I was in a full scale lust attack, and the words came back. Having nothing to lose, I gave it a try.

As I said, the chip didn’t melt. In fact, it didn’t change at all. It just stayed there: round, hard and slightly uncomfortable. And because it didn’t change at all, a change or two happened in me.

The chip was a little like: God. A lust attack that to me was overwhelming didn’t distress God a bit. Nor did God decide to become any softer or more comfortable just to accommodate me. The full force of my lust washed up against that chip, and its boundaries were firm (how unlike mine).

After a good ninety minutes, the lust attack receded. I was impressed. Something (someone?) far more stable than I had brought me through and taught me a lesson on the way. I was grateful to God, and to the Program and its chips.