Recently I had the great good fortune to speak at a joint women’s shelter / District Attorney’s program for men arrested in prostitution stings. They don’t want to be there. They don’t like coughing up another $1,000 for the class on top of whatever other court and legal costs the arrest has caused. And, they certainly don’t want to be told that they might be sex addicts!

Given this context, the men are understandably a tough audience. I have spoken to them three times now and invariably I’m met by stony faces. So it is a surprise to me that once I start talking, and later when it’s over, I get so much of a sense that my Higher Power spoke through me. I prepare my twenty-minute talk as an outline and follow it roughly as I speak. I’m amazed every time at how many thoughts come out of me that weren’t thought out ahead of time. The shelter staff have told me that they find what I have to say very powerful, especially the emphasis on pornography, sexual acting out, and other hallmarks of sexual addiction. These are things that the “students” just don’t get at any other time during their 1-day class. I’m careful to tell them up front that I’m not there to judge them, and that I’m not paid or coerced to be there. When I start talking about the theory of addiction and how it applies to sex, I can see it gets their attention. When I tell them I haven’t looked at pornography in ten years, there’s a look of disbelief in their faces that tells me I’m hitting them where they live. When I’m wrapping up, I give them a Newcomer pamphlet stamped with our local Intergroup website address and phone number. I ask them to read it through, and to pay special attention to the test section which discusses whether or not they might be sex addicts. This pamphlet is so important for them to have, and I hope it reminds them later of what I said.

I have no idea how many of them have come to SA as a result. I hope some have. My Intergroup covers a lot of meetings, so I may not see them. I’m happy if they come and talk to my brothers in sexual recovery. I rejoice in my part which may open the door for them.