When did you realize that you were powerless over lust and that your life had become unmanageable? Was it a sudden realization or something that you arrived at over the span of months or years? For me, it was an epiphany brought about from the threat of a second divorce. It was a sudden realization of the kind of person that I had been over the past 30 years. I looked back and saw how much pain I had caused. I was in a constant fear for months knowing I was probably going to be divorced. I realized that I could lose my wife and small children. I hit bottom. As I saw it, there were two choices available to me. Either remove myself permanently from my loved ones and from life or become something more than I had ever been. Thus began my new life as a recovering addict.

I realized that I had the perfect symbol of what a new life meant permanently etched in ink on my back. It is a Phoenix. A Phoenix represents a rebirth or resurrection arising from the ashes of a former self. Previously I got the tattoo because I wanted to celebrate having a new life with my second wife and our two kids. I was given another chance at being a good husband and father. Instead, I nearly abandoned my wife and kids, and I did not know God. I first began my new life as a recovering addict. At first it didn’t seem like I rose from the ashes, but added to them. From page 29 of our White Book: “Living inside our illness, we were blind to it. In recovery, the addiction begins to lose its hold over us, but it is necessary that we never forget what we really are.” I am a sexaholic and like the Phoenix, I am reborn yet again. I have been given another chance at being a better husband, father and man. Through counseling, SA fellowship, and a newfound relationship with God, I finally have hope.

Remember that while we have grievously wronged others, including those we love, we are brothers and sisters in recovery. We matter. We are loved. Rely on SA and on God who surely wants us to be happy, joyous and free. One day, one hour at a time.

Yours in recovery,