Step 2 — The Strength of Allah

I was born in a religious family who always believed in Allah and His power. Actually I was believing that He can do anything except this one thing, so I had problems. I couldn’t pray and ask Him about this addiction. I was so resentful how my life was totally destroyed. I can’t describe the remorse and self-pity I felt every time I relapsed. I was an underpaid barista with no friends, no girlfriend, no memories but melancholy which disturbed and ruined my life always because I couldn’t find a way to stop.

After I came to SA the solution was there but the shame and hatred and fury never ended. I swear that I did all of the things they told me but I was relapsing again and again. I kept madly watching porn with no joy just to fill my inner empty soul, until….

One day I was totally depressed so I asked Allah to please help me because I cannot make it. I told Him that I was in pain and was paralyzed. The words themselves were hard for me to say because I just couldn’t believe in His power; but I was truly honest in my words. One day all of the walls were destroyed and I became sober for 2 weeks — I couldn’t make it that long for 7 and half years. I couldn’t believe that I was sober for that long. Now I believe that Allah will help me when I come to Him but I should be honest with Him. That’s all, stay sober for today.

Awab, Egypt

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